tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post2104835691298497074..comments2024-03-19T14:28:43.361+00:00Comments on Kitschy Coo: This aching... part twoKitschy Coohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14498979148251880818noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-61258889977650296622009-11-10T14:26:56.560+00:002009-11-10T14:26:56.560+00:00Firstly, big hugs to you. I hope you feel a little...Firstly, big hugs to you. I hope you feel a little better for sharing - it's so important to talk about things like this. Although the first three years are important, they are not the be all and end all. All Jamie's time with his Mama is important and you always have and always will be there for him. I am certain that you have given him all the love and care he needs. He will know this. I think it may be worth talking to your GP or health professional about how you feel. I agree with Kat, you are his Mum and you know best. xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-84621830596868377002009-11-09T11:30:29.623+00:002009-11-09T11:30:29.623+00:00Aww hugs to you!!1 I think your J and my J would g...Aww hugs to you!!1 I think your J and my J would get on famously...and if they didn't they would both be oblivious to the fact that the other was trying to get away! <br />It breaks my heart like it does yours when J doesn't get that someone doesn't want to play or if an adult is being harsh to him. I stopped him going to football because while I had no real problem with the skipping up and down the pitch he did and the general not getting it, I did have a problem with the coaches that laughed at him week in week out. <br />J didn't talk at all until he was over 3. I mean, he made noises, could say mamma and dadda and Lou but no other recognisable words. Now he still speaks deliberately, some say too slowly, like he is thinking about what he is going to say instead of the incessant chatting that we have with Looby.<br />I don't know the answers though and I often worry about J. and now I'm off for a cuppa coz you've made me cry ;) <br />xxxxNichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12405342234396098692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-13493738246439792332009-11-08T22:37:03.234+00:002009-11-08T22:37:03.234+00:00I don't think you would have written this post...I don't think you would have written this post 20 years ago*, because we didn't used to worry about 'developmental milestones' or other such guilt-inducing labels. Jamie is an individual, and I don't think comparing him with other children of his age is of any benefit. Do those girls at the soft play centre have as vivid an imagination as him? Are they as kind as him? I'm guessing if their mums knew how mean they were being they'd be thinking, "Shit, what have I done to produce such a bitchy daughter? Why can't she be friendly and approachable like that little boy she's being so rude to? Am I like that? Is it me?...."<br /><br />And for Steven to imply that you hadn't done a good enough job was well below the belt. <br /><br />* yes, yes, I know you wouldn't have written this post 20 years ago because the interwebs wasn't commonly available. And you'd be 10 years old or something. But you know what I mean :)Pickled Weaselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13314110021040229107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-18271443623021225702009-11-08T21:16:30.490+00:002009-11-08T21:16:30.490+00:00A male that doesn't pick up on subtle (or not-...A male that doesn't pick up on subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints from females? Sounds quite normal to me!<br />OK, I'm only joking. I'd reiterate what all these people say about how every mum worries and how this thing about the first three years - well, I'm pretty sure that it is referring to those who lock their kids in the cupboard under the stairs and ignore them for three years, not a normal mum who feels bad because the pressures of life meant that she wasn't a constant bundle of joy and laughter... which is all mums. If you did lock Jamie under the stairs for three years, now is the time to come out and say it.<br /><br />I think that although you don't say it, part of your worry may be that there are some traits of autism present (do say if I'm wrong)? Without in any way wishing to dismiss your fears, I'd urge to you befriend <a href="http://lady-mitzi.livejournal.com/profile" rel="nofollow">Lady Mitzi</a> on Live Journal: she has a severely autistic 5 year old and her journal has been a complete education to me (plus, her attitude is incredible, , while somehow not making me feel like even more of a failure as a mum. How does she DO that?).mockduckhttp://mockduck.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-9274814077327576442009-11-08T12:38:33.286+00:002009-11-08T12:38:33.286+00:00I just want to give you both a hug. Thinking of yo...I just want to give you both a hug. Thinking of you xxcupoteahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01272763634732399238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-70463970327365557702009-11-08T10:16:01.992+00:002009-11-08T10:16:01.992+00:00I read your blog all the time and wouldn't nor...I read your blog all the time and wouldn't normally comment but after reading this yesterday I really felt for you.<br /><br />I don't have children but I do work in educational research and in no way should you consider that you have let him down. The first three years are important but in the sense that you should be talking to your child, reading to them and doing fun activities, whether that be playing or going to the park - that is what really matters and just from reading your blog it is clear you do all that and more. The very fact you worry indicates what a good Mum you are. <br /><br />We put too much pressure on children (and their parents) in this country to all be the same at an early age, when really they all develop differently and in their own time. <br /><br />Jamie sounds like a lovely sweet kind boy who I am sure will grow up into a kind respectful man.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-16090584805705692272009-11-08T09:01:26.228+00:002009-11-08T09:01:26.228+00:00You did nothing wrong. It is a fact, but I don'...You did nothing wrong. It is a fact, but I don't think for one second you will believe it. We do our best for our children, the best that the circumstances of our lives allow, it is all anyone can expect. If you can, consider what you would say to a friend in your situation- then do try and listen to those words for yourself. xxxjennyflowerbluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16724655266500430873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-61391074685459065482009-11-07T23:43:33.124+00:002009-11-07T23:43:33.124+00:00Hi Amanda, I'm new to your blog, found my way ...Hi Amanda, I'm new to your blog, found my way here via etsy, so don't know much about your journey as a Mama, but didn't want to read and run. I think the thoughtfulness and aching worry in your post show what a wonderful caring mother you are. I don't know any Mama who thinks she has done a good enough job. As others have said, it's never enough. All we can do is keep loving and not give ourselves too hard a time.<br /><br />I think you're children sound delightful. I worry too when I see my son go up to other children or grown ups and try to engage them in conversation and they ignore him or don't understand him or laugh. But I think the openness of spirit that allows my son and yours to engage with the world like this can sometimes be a wonderful gift. As Mama protectors we ache when we see the rejection and we hurt even if they don't seem to. But there are other times when their openness makes a stranger smile, engages a child who has maybe never played with anyone at a soft play before, makes a Mama sitting across the other side of the room with a baby smile at their enthusiasm, maybe make her see that there are fun times ahead beyond the all night feeding sessions! Maybe he has learnt his openness from his Mama who has been open enough to post such an honest blog that has obviously connected and moved people.<br /><br />He will find his way, especially with a thoughtful Mama like you and a feisty sister at his side.rillarevolutionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02056177499731892909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-82727854159040642612009-11-07T21:40:40.482+00:002009-11-07T21:40:40.482+00:00*hugs* I feel bad because Kathryn doesn't talk...*hugs* I feel bad because Kathryn doesn't talk properly, and there are still some sounds she can't make. She cannot tell the difference between Goat and Doat, and been referred to speech therapy, which will start soon. They say it's best to start as early as possible, and that it's good that we looked for help before she's 5. Inside I feel that we've let her down for not looking for help earlier, and just thinking it was a sweet lisp rather than an actual problem.<br /><br />If you want some positive comments in relation to this, email me.Louizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05691100508790921779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-45693613730463492122009-11-07T21:22:29.549+00:002009-11-07T21:22:29.549+00:00Not sure what to say but I really admire you for w...Not sure what to say but I really admire you for writing such an honest post about your worries. Its what makes your blog so great. I know you were worried about his hearing. Did they do any hearing tests as this can delay language?? None of us are perfect parents and children struggle at different times for lots of different reasons. Keep your chin up! xxSew Scrumptioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16611969878018369440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-63751508016546415612009-11-07T20:41:00.211+00:002009-11-07T20:41:00.211+00:00I can't really add anything to that other than...I can't really add anything to that other than to repeat that all children are different and Mummies always feel guilty about something. <br />Jamie is lovely.<br />xxxDaisiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13865419216624616768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-22894330123534880862009-11-07T20:08:59.605+00:002009-11-07T20:08:59.605+00:00I feel your pain and heartache and can sympathize....I feel your pain and heartache and can sympathize. I have 3 children, my oldest has so many acronyms attached to him its not even funny, my middle boy has a speech delay, and so far nothing's come up for my daughter... yet. I have that fear that something will come up for my daughter in the next few years, and feel like it's my doing. Like maybe since my boys have problems, and they came from me, it has to be my fault. <br /><br />Truth is, it's not our fault. That's just the way our kids are, and God knew we would be the perfect parents for these children. I don't mean to get all God fearing on you, but it's taken me a while to realize that God chose me as the mother of my children because I have the right amount of patience, love, and understanding for them. <br /><br />And if it would ease your mind any, maybe you should talk to your sons physician to see if there could be more to it. My oldest boy has asbergers syndrome, ADHD, ODD,OCD and I'm afraid to know what else. It's been a long road of seeking diagnosis. My middle boy has such a bad speech delay that I feel like you, and can't understand most of what he says. My boy just turned 6. He goes to speech therapy, and it just doesn't seem to be enough at times because I feel awful asking him to repeat himself. <br /><br />If you ever need to, feel free to message me and we can talk further. But know that your a great mother for even having concern about these things, and your children were chosen just for you!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17753503840094388381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-63781979905136948952009-11-07T19:01:07.897+00:002009-11-07T19:01:07.897+00:00I'm not a parent, so I don't have any advi...I'm not a parent, so I don't have any advice to give on that score, but I wanted to know that I'd read this, I was thinking of you and offering big hugs, tea and cake through the intarwebz<br /><br />Emma xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-87993968874446433422009-11-07T17:56:32.509+00:002009-11-07T17:56:32.509+00:00Hi,
there, I was just so moved by your post. I do...Hi,<br /><br />there, I was just so moved by your post. I dont know your situation or why you feel that there maybe a problem from your little boy's first 3 years. I dont have any little boys so cant give you a comparable in that way. But I am mum of two little girls. I do know you as a mother are torn daily between being a "wonderful" mum and just being yourself, which sometimes as a human aint so wonderful. I do know as a female a woman, you feel guilty all the time about everything usually. And I have been told that the sign of a great mother is the one who always questions herself always strives to do better for her family her children. Not the ones that smugly think they have got it all right.<br /><br />Take care and I hope that you can resolve in your heart that you are doing fine. I am sure your little boy will be doing all the things that children his age are "supposed" to be doing. And if you are still worried talk to your GP or Therapist about your concerns. Better you dont bottle these things up.<br /><br /><br /><br />MBBxThedarkerside73https://www.blogger.com/profile/17474364639142170652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-10985092539165898642009-11-07T15:36:19.025+00:002009-11-07T15:36:19.025+00:00My heart hurts for you. My mother always used to ...My heart hurts for you. My mother always used to tell us that it was her job to worry, and now that I have my own littles, I know what she meant. It sounds like you are doing your job in spades. I hope you and Jamie can find the peace that you both need. (((HUGS)))KID, MDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16317731987862366557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-34480384515690769512009-11-07T15:27:11.160+00:002009-11-07T15:27:11.160+00:00What did your therapist say when you expressed you...What did your therapist say when you expressed your concerns? I don't know you well enough to know why you think you got it wrong. I don't know what happened in those first three years to make you feel this way? Without trying to sound too flippant (which is not my intention) boy's are completely unfathomable to me (funnily enough I wrote a blog-post about it today) and I've always secretly thought boy*jelly was weird, but I'm assured that's just boys in general. Have you read the book "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph? I find it very reassuring and frequently read it to try and get an insight into wtf is going on in his male head.Mrs Jellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02569446870390354453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-51117328645737967322009-11-07T15:16:37.233+00:002009-11-07T15:16:37.233+00:00I feel for you, such a difficult situation. Don...I feel for you, such a difficult situation. Don't blame yourself, I"m sure you did an excellent job in the first 3 years! There are massive individual differences in development and yes, it could all be just perfectly alright in a few months. If you're worried, have you thought about some assessment? Just to get an outsider's opinion and to make sure if something isn't right, it can be addressed as early as possible.<br /><br />However, he may just want to tease out more language which silly questions. Like one boy (who is far ahead with his language development at 2 3/4) who asked me today why I say goodbye to people. Of course he knows. But he will take any opportunity to ask why, just because he can.cartsidehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07443437791014670129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-50637702621854168112009-11-07T14:46:52.577+00:002009-11-07T14:46:52.577+00:00Fwiw i think both of your children sound wonderful...Fwiw i think both of your children sound wonderful. My 7 yr old son, was slow to talk and do lots of things that other children seemed to be excelling at and it was so hard not to compare him to hsi brother who had 'acheived' his milestones way ahead of when he was supposed to.<br />i beleive mothers have an inbuilt guilt button, no matter what we do for our children we will feel that we haven't done enough. but if you truly beleive that things aren't right, speak to your health visitor or gp at least you will know for sure one way or another.<br />and no matter what the result is, its not your fault, no one is to blame, you just have two very special children.vickimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-89190006638181613922009-11-07T14:22:59.679+00:002009-11-07T14:22:59.679+00:00Oh Amanda, I am so sorry you are feeling so worrie...Oh Amanda, I am so sorry you are feeling so worried about him. I know you have had a rough time but I feel confident those first three years were excellent and that he was well loved, cared for and recieved everything he needed to develop. Early years development varies widely and EYFS reflects this (I'm sure his pre-school or GP would talk through your concerns). If you are worried do something - I do believe Mama knows best. I know I'm not saying anything new or useful and probably nothing sensitive so feel free to ignore me. I hope you start to feel better. Big (awkward) hugs through the ether. Kat xKat - Housewife Confidentialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02450849893251350882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-68045396043470466172009-11-07T13:32:47.073+00:002009-11-07T13:32:47.073+00:00Chloe doesn't realise when other kids are bein...Chloe doesn't realise when other kids are being men either. Sometimes I wish she had a brother or sister who did get it and would stick up for her (something tells me I wouldn't get away with pushing other kids). Don't blame yourself, all kids are different. My cousin Amy hardly spoke a word until she'd been in school about six months, she just communicated by pointing and the occasional noise but now some days my aunt has to remind herself of that before she prays for a minute's silence. She went to the doctor and speech therapists and what not without any success, there wasn't any real reason that she didn't speak, it was in there it just took a classroom full of kids to bring it out of her. I really hope you're able to find some kind of peace with this and don't let it eat you up.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16340429187911872470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435738925121167166.post-70634319459921321282009-11-07T13:16:10.167+00:002009-11-07T13:16:10.167+00:00GBH, I don't know much of the details re Jamie...GBH, I don't know much of the details re Jamie, however, I can empathise, and I hope that you find comfort wherever comfort is to be found and that you manage to get past the Mama Guilt that we all have for any discrepancies our children appear to have in relation to other children.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07317277909359843887noreply@blogger.com