A plague on our house

Since the summer holidays started it's been illness after illness here. First it was Maia and a middle ear infection, treated with antibiotics. Then one week later, with the mother of all nappy rashes and ulcers in her mouth, we were back at the doctors. I have to admit that I was a little bit shocked when the doctor said it was Hand, Foot and Mouth. Mostly because it seemed to me to be more like Mouth, Bits and Bum, but also because this is how they treat Foot and Mouth in the UK:

Luckily Hand, Foot and Mouth is not related to Foot and Mouth so we didn't need to burn Maia on a pyre. At my insistence, we were also given treatment for Thrush for the Bits and Bum element. Which she responded to, so it appears that my genetic contribution to Maia is not strictly limited to unruly hair and a persecution complex. And the half of her right eye that's blue:


And now the most terrifying affliction of all, which manifested in the boy child last week. I'm not, however, speaking of swine flu but of the less-publicised but more serious affliction: The Whys. Other mums have been talking of the dreaded Whys in hushed tones, eyes lolling in anxiety, "They just won't stop, make them stop, please God, make them stop..." Although I sympathised, I didn't appreciate how maddening The Whys is, until it struck our very own house. Now I don't just have to tell him to do or not to do things, I have to justify it:

Me: Don't use the puppet to fondle yourself.
J: Why?
Me: Because I said so.
J: Why?
Me: I don't like it.
J: Why?
Me: Because it creeps me out.
J: Why?
Me (crying): Just stop! For the love of God, stop!

Research suggests that this condition is terminal (for me at least) but there is palliative care: