When you post pictures of yourself you can pick and choose what to share. You filter out ones where you don't look good, you crop out bits that unflatter, you adjust the brightness / contrast to restore yourself to humanity, you make glib comments about your appearance to preempt anyone actually thinking those things for themselves, and to give people permission to laugh about you because, hey- you're doing it yourself!
Does that change when you're posting pictures of other people? My treatment of posting pictures of the kids over the last couple of years has been much the same: filter out the ones that don't flatter them, adjust brightness / contrast, crop out some debris I didn't want shown. Not to hide anything, but to show the pictures and the kids (and myself by extension) in their best light. I didn't feel guilty. It's what we all do.
And then something changed. When I first noticed Maia's eye turning in, I thought it was an aberration and the pictures that highlighted it were filtered out as 'not-flattering'. I used pictures where she was looking down, or away from the camera. But as the months have passed, it's become clear that she has a lazy eye and it's obvious in more and more pictures. And still: I use pictures where she is looking down, or away from the camera.
I've been struggling with feelings of shame each time I post pictures of her because it's come to the point that rather than just enhancing my pictures, I've been hiding something. I've lost my integrity.
She is the same beautiful girl, she has nothing to be ashamed of. But how can she know that if (even unconsciously) I've been denying this is part of who she is right now? I know I have a lot of thinking to do about this and hopefully treatment will be a success, but it's going to be a long road and I need to do better.