Jamie: the angel of retribution

First of all, let me say that I hope no one feels threatened by my photo doctoring skills. It's taken me a long time to get this good at Paint.

Okay, now that's out of the way, let me tell you a bit about our housing situation. We live in the ground floor flat in a eleven flat building, where 75% of the other residents are elderly. Most are nice and bestow my kids with grandparent-esque affection. Some are bored and pick on us for wont of better things to do, by posting anonymous notes in the communal areas like the one below.

It's annoying, I take more care with the buggy than they do with their zimmer frames, and if I want to cry when they're watching Antiques Roadshow, it's my prerogative . There is one particular man who is actually openly unpleasant, he never says 'Hi' when Jamie says hello to him, he lets the door close in our face rather than hold it open for us. Everyone needs a nemesis and he is ours.

Jamie's current mantra is 'I do it myself', which is mostly good but has some interesting consequences. Like the fact he spends most of his time naked from the waist down. He must 'do it himself' when he goes to the toilet, and putting trousers back on is also a 'do it myself' scenario, but way down at the bottom of his to-do list. So the other day, he was sitting in the windowsill sans trousers (as you do) when our nemesis shuffled through the garden on his way to do evil deeds elsewhere. Jamie spied him as he neared the window (and as his enthusiasm is inversely proportional to others' enthusiasm for him), excitedly stood up and started banging on the window shouting 'Hello man!' Jamie's wee man was pressed up against the glass, at exactly head height, no more than two feet away as the man turned to see what the clamour was. He visibly blanched as I snatched Jamie out of the window. I'm still awaiting a visit from the police and Social Services, or an exclusive in The Sun with, "Young man breaks stereotype and flashes at old man!"

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