Dentist: Hello there. How are you today?
Me: Fine, thank you. How are you?
Dentist (harassed face): Meh.
Me: Bad day, was it?
Dentist: You could say that.
Me: (thinks) I hope it wasn't a malpractice suit.
Dentist: So. You're here because you have a cavity.
Me: Yes.
Dentist: And would you like to have pain relief?
Me: (thinks) Is this a trick question?
Dentist: If you don't it will be sore when I drill.
Me: I would like pain relief.
Pictured: Needle to scale.
Dentist: I have given you two injections.
Me: Okay.
Dentist: Just about to drill. It might still be sore, the injections were only small. Let me know if you can't take it.
Me: (thinking) What does this guy have against pain relief?
Dentist: Here we go....
Pictured: My actual response.
Dentist: Would you like another injection?
Me: Yes please.
Dentist: Okay, done. We might as well clean your teeth while we wait for it to kick in.
Pictured: Routine teeth cleaning
Dentist: Nurse, can I have the suction?
Pictured: Dental nurse
Dentist: Is it fully numb now?
Pictured: All of the paralysed nerves and muscles in my face.
Me: Yes.
Dentist: I am going to put this thing in your mouth.
Pictured: approximation of apparatus
Dentist: Let's get drilling.
Pictured: Dentists everywhere.
Dentist: Okay, all done. You should rinse now.
Pictured: Pre-rinsed.
Me: Thank you.
Dentist: You're welcome. See you in six months.
The end.
I feel bad now to admit that I love my dentist.
ReplyDeleteI must add though that when I started seeing my current dentist, it came after a period of about 3 years of not going (didn't have insurance after I married and was in grad school until I got my big girl job). I looked for a dentist with lasers, because I was convinced that my teeth would be riddled with cavities. They weren't. But my dentist offers pillows and blankets, they all wear flavored gloves, and he has a miniature sand blaster to use on spots that are decayed on the surface. He's fantastic!
But I think the commute might be a bit much for you to manage every six months.
LOL! I've now thankfully got a wonderful dentist who is the mother of a good friend of mine - I should have changed to her years ago as it sounds as though my old dentist has moved up to your area!
ReplyDeleteOh dear. I used to see a dentist not too far from you when I lived in da 'burgh and he was EVIL. I wonder if it's the same one.
ReplyDeleteI now see the Hot Spanish Dentist down here in Bristol and he's so pretty that I don't care how much it hurts. They're taking NHS patients, if you can handle the commute.
Sorry, but that's had me laughing (very quietly as I'm in a room with a sleeping child). My old dentist was great. The new one not so much. At the first appointment she stabbed my gum till it bled, then acted thoroughly put out that I wanted to spit out the blood/try to stop it bleeding rather than gag on a mouthful of blood while she finished the examination. I hate to think what she'd be like if I needed a filling!
ReplyDeleteI am sending you waves of sympathy since I would much prefer serial pelvic exams to a single, routine trip to the dentist. Can you find one that specializes in wimps? When I had a root canal the place had a menu of things I could order prior. It included hot tea and - I kid you not - a hug.
ReplyDeleteI really shouldn't have looked at those pictures when I was eating my breakfast :|
ReplyDeleteHahahaha funniest post ever and time to change dentists I think!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried signing up for the NHS dentist in Stockbridge? I found it hilarious that an actual dentist commented on your post.....
ReplyDeleteThe last dentist I had in the UK made a pass at my teeth, and my skin crawled so much I never went back (my current (Irish) dentist is great though).
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have a good dentist but Indywriter's dentist's flavoured gloves is a bit too weird for me.
I'd laugh out loud, but I'm too busy cringing in sympathy. I hope at least it's fixed the cavity...
ReplyDeleteThe flavored glove thing *is* a bit weird... but it's fairly subtle. Instead of having that latex flavor, you get a hint of mint, grape, or bubblegum.
ReplyDeleteThat was a horrifying post...v glad that I have just been and so have eleven months before my next appointment in which to forget it!
ReplyDelete