Wednesday, 29 July 2009


Ever get the feeling that people are staring at you?

Well, we're here. A long 19 hours from door to door, but we've made it, and mostly unscathed. Those of you who read my blog often will have noticed the red flag waving wildly at my use of the term mostly unscathed. You'll be be nodding sagely, 'There's a story coming....'

So there we were about thirty minutes after take off on our Frankfurt to Boston flight. It was the biggest plane I've ever be on, and totally packed. Jamie and Steven were in the double seats in front of us, Maia and I together one row back. She was lying down with her head on my lap, looking up at me. I was stroking her forehead, she was reaching up and stroking my cheek, and I had a momentary thought 'This is one of those perfect motherhood moments. She's so sweet. I love her so much'. Her mouth opened... 'Is she going to say I love you too, mum?' I wondered.... No, she's going to projectile vomit, vertically, back on to her own head. I did what any mother would, I tried to catch it in my hands. In my panic to sit her up so she wouldn't choke, I hauled her into my lap, inviting her to throw up all over my torso. She heaved several more times and then stopped.

We looked at each other. We surveyed the damage. I tapped dad on the shoulder to interrupt him from his movie. He turned around. He eyes widened as he saw me covered in sick from shoulders to waist. Like a Wet T-shirt Contest that had gone badly, badly wrong. He looked at his daughter with every square inch of her body drenched, her hair saturated. He looked across the aisle at the woman who had turned her travel blanket into a burqa, shooting daggers in our direction. At the tourists behind us jabbering excitedly in Japanese, proffering tissues. The steward and stewardesses running full pelt down the aisle brandishing towels. We did the walk of shame to the bathroom with 200 pairs of eyes surveying our drenched and smelly fate.

We spent the next twenty minutes in the lilliputian toilets, using small moist towellettes to mop up our bodies and the tiny sink to wash our hair repeatedly. Of course I hadn't packed any spare clothes for me (I'm generally of the opinion that as I'm toilet trained I don't need to) so my only option was to wear Steven's zip up hoody. With no shirt. Just so you know, he is 6'1" and I am 5'4". The dread of not wearing a bra slightly outweighed wearing a sick-soaked one.

I don't know about anyone else, but when I travel I like to make a tiny bit of effort not to look my worst. Especially if I'm meeting relatives at the airport. Maybe I put a new t-shirt on, or jeans that I have to zip / unzip to get on, or I comb my hair. I might put on a little bit of makeup. So it was with some distress that I rocked my new look last night: a 'little bit of makeup', an XL hoody down to my knees, well fitted jeans, and wet hair. Nice d├ęcolletage though.


  1. Oh honey. Oh Amanda, I know this isn't funny at all but honestly it's the way you tell 'em.

    How's she doing today?

    (By the way, Nairn has been talking about Jamie CONSTANTLY while we've been away. Must catch up with you guys when you get back x)

  2. oh bless... H did that to me once.. though it wasn't megga tons of sick thankfully, it was mostly on himself.. we were sat next to a fat German that pretended not to speak English so he could just glare at us.. and we got a terrible flight attendant who just sniffed at us in disgust and walked away.. I cleaned up H and luckily had packed enough extra clothes for him and enough wetwipes that I smelled like one but I was vaguely clean enough.... *hugs* you definitly deserve that time alone in a Barns and Nobles with an iced latte and pretty pretty books.

  3. OMFG!! Eww... you poor, poor thing...

  4. Ekk! What a nightmare, hope feeling better now :-)

  5. I hate to laugh!....but, Oh my!!!......I shall make a mental note to ALWAYS PACK MYSELF A SPARE T when traveling with Roo on a plane ( or any other method of transport for that matter!) from now on......Honestly! Im not laughing....well not much!

  6. Oh no:(

    Although I have to ask what is it with small children and vomiting down the cleavage?

  7. I was going to say the same as Vonnie. I feel bad for laughing but really, you need to stop telling the story so well....or expect the laughter.

    At least you are there now and your family will be amazed at how beautiful and sweet-smelling you are now that you have your own clothes on and are not covered in sick so the only way is up ;)

    I hope Maia is ok now and you are enjoying yourselves. I'm also sooo glad that you are still blogging on your hols, I was worried that I would have to go cold turkey....although I go on Sunday. I so have to get mobile internet sorted for my phone before then ;)


  8. I feel really bad but I laughed A LOT when I read this. Hope she is ok now? Poor you. I feel your pain!!I was hoping once you left the country the weather might improve but its still bucketing down here. Have a lovely holiday.

  9. I can't stop laughing, sorry!! hope Maia is better now :) I will definitely be packing spare clothes for all of us when we travel to Australia later in the year after reading this!

  10. Sorry, but I laughed out loud. Still giggling, actually. Sounds horrible (but funny). I have also fallen into the trap of not packing extra clothes for myself & then been pooped all over, so I feel your pain kinda. Hope the rest of the trip is better! :)

  11. *hugs* (only the virtual transatlantic kind that don't include getting vomit on me)

    have I told you about the time my son (now 28) was sick on his duvet? I bravely stuck it straight in the washing machine. nobody had told me to rinse it first, so it came out with boiled vomit all over it.

  12. Been there, unfunny ... but gosh! the way you put it is hysterical. I guess this isn't where one asks 'did everything come out ok?' Sorry!! TTFN~ Marydon

  13. I'm literally crying laughing... sorry but it is, as Vonnie says, the way you tell it.

    If you'd said Maia was really sick on the plane... not funny
    Your version ... funny

    Hope the rest of the holiday goes more smoothly - just remember to pack a change of clothes for yourself and keep her away from any newly aquired fabric stash before during or after flying back home :)

  14. oh no nightmare journey!! did the japenese tourist's take photos!! and to top it all you had to wear a baggy top!!When I was heavily pregnant with my son I was really sick over the edge of the bed but because I was too huge to move fast I did it over my daughters lovely fleecy blanket, and as my husband is squimish about puke, poo and anything yucky he just chucked it away!!