Tuesday, 10 March 2009


Cruelty is on the Y chromosome

I filed for divorce today.

'Whoa, wait a minute...' I hear you say, 'That's a big decision... What are the grounds?!' Did he throw away our savings on the horses? Nope, no savings.... Have an affair with his secretary? Nope, he doesn't have a secretary. So what has he done to provoke my ire? In the box for grounds for divorce, I've put 'unreasonable behaviour'. And 'provocation'.

Remember the other day how we made cupcakes? Well, Covetables must know a thing or two about women (or at least this woman) because the recipe yielded quite a bit of superfluous buttercream icing. I love icing almost as much as I love my children, sometimes more depending on how badly my children are behaving. It's been cheering me up no end to stick a sneaky finger in the bowl every time I'm in the kitchen. In fact, I've been contriving reasons to go to the kitchen for that very purpose.

So you can imagine my shock last night when I opened the fridge and found the magic happy bowl missing. Panic-stricken, my eyes darted around the kitchen, and I spied the bowl in the sink, full of water (italics used to emphasise earth-shattering horror). I stomped back to the living room and plopped myself back onto the floor to cut some fabric. The air was thick with tension.

'Did you notice I got rid of the icing?', Steven nonchalantly said, oblivious to the ill will I'd been sending his way and misguidely thinking he'd get some sort of medal for tidying something up.

'Did you notice I've not been speaking to you for the last fifteen minutes?'

'Sorry, I thought you were done with it. There wasn't much left.'

'There wasn't much left because I've been eating it whenever I've felt sad or down. You've ruined my life, I hate you.'

'If it was that important to you, why don't you make some more?'

'Are you crazy? It's acceptable to eat leftover icing, but you can't just make it to eat it.'

'Whatever, sorry.'

Know that book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'? More like men are from Hades.


  1. It's acceptable to eat leftover icing, but you can't just make it to eat it. rofl!

    when I was at boarding school my bestest friend made me a birthday cake...and brought me in a little pot of uncooked cake mix too.

  2. You will have some hard work ahead of you to train him. My husband nearly lost his life after throwing away yet another sales sheet from the fabric store (with a 50% off coupon still inside). He has now been successfully trained to ask if a fabric store ad is current or outdated.

    As for frosting, I wouldn't be quite as upset... but only because I know that he would have eaten it. No one in my house would willingly throw away frosting (nor would they even consider letting the bowl get in the sink unless every removable bit of frosting/batter/dough has been enjoyed). It's a religious thing here.

  3. Rumor has it that your mom would mix up cookie dough and then she & your dad would sit down and eat it uncooked.

  4. B*s*a*d. I freeze mine on the pretence that I will use it next time, then I pick lumps ou of the container and suck them when I'm 'checking we have some mince' etc. Divorce? too good for him

  5. @Nifty: I've always been partial to unbaked doughs and mixes. All in the name of testing of course.

    @Indy: If he's not throwing my receipts out, he's moving them around. Pesky.

    @Anon (aka Liz?): Wow, you can't just throw slander like that about... Even if it's true :)

    @Jenny: I laughed aloud at your comment, alerting (ex)husband to my secret anti-Steven blog post. I've never tried freezing it before, but that's inspired! Maybe in one of those ice lolly moulds on a stick?

  6. It wasn't me! I sign my name always :) I think it might have been your mom or dad?

    Frosting is the best part. I bet you he'll never do it again ;)


  7. I have it on good authority that the cookie dough your parents ate uncooked was mostly chocolate chip and was consumed before chocolate chip cookie dough became an ice cream flavor. They should be regarded as early "testers" or at least ahead of their time.

  8. Sounds like your mom to me ;)