Sunday 4 December 2011


The Alternative Christmas Gift Guide

It's that time of the year when the air is filled with the dulcet tones of my progeny chanting 'I want that, I want that, I want that' at every commercial and catalogue they see. Lengthy and precise letters to Santa have been written, and every adult within a ten mile radius (whether we know them or not) has been instructed what to buy.

Gifts for the girl
Steven and I have been arguing about to what extent to give into Maia's wish fulfilment. Never has a more gender-stereotyped child walked this Earth. The feminist in me objects to at least 80% of her list; she does not need anything in her life that solidifies her notion that girls are vapid and superficial.

The girl wants a Barbie head, ergo I will get her this one. I win.

The girl wants a My Little Pony, ergo I will get this one. Two- nil.

Gifts for the boy
Not as contentious as his sister's. Batman-centric.

I've mentioned before about Jamie's deep-seated fear of bears. Will a poster of Batman Bear change his mind?

Nah, probably not. This ursaphobia is seriously disruptive to our lives: the hall light needs to be on overnight with their bedroom door open, he requires a chaperone in every room in our own flipping house for fear of The Bear. Bat-Bear is cool, no doubt. But this level of fear calls for some aversion therapy:

Worried about finding youself inside a bear's stomach? No need. So plush and cosy.


  1. If he sees you in that bear costume, that's it, you're stuck with the bear phobia for life. No more trips to the bear park or bears-R-us, think long and hard about that purchase.

  2. ...or, my son has a dog phobia, and we are getting a dog after Christmas - maybe you should get a bear? You would look totally bad-ass walking that at the park.

  3. Sure you don't want this barbie head

    or this my little pony is nice

    *now I wants them* O_O

  4. Tempting but you may find yourself accused of severe childhood trauma inducement in 30 years tome.

  5. This post has really cheered me up. I needed something to put a smile on my face. Thanks.

  6. This post has really cheered me up. I needed something to put a smile on my face. Thanks.