Here is dramatic interpretation of the latest chapter of Postiegate. It is rated R for adult content and nudity.
Setting: Saturday morning 9AM. In the house of Amanda.
Doorbell: Ding dong!
Amanda runs towards door, trying to overtake the two naked children. Opens door to find postman.
Postie: Good morning, here's your post.
Amanda: (says) Wow, what a great service you provide! (thinks) I hate you.
Jamie: Who's that?
Amanda: (says) The postman. (thinks) Satan.
Postie: Can I ask you a favour?
Amanda: (says) Sure. What can I do for you? (thinks) He better not ask to watch our DVDs before he delivers them to us.
Postie: Can I use your bathroom?
Amanda: Sure, it's just over here.
Postie: (says with a smile) I drank too much coffee this morning. (thinks) I'm going to do a number two.
Amanda: No problem.
Amanda attempts to get the children dressed to hide her shameful parenting.
Jamie: What's the man doing?
Amanda: Having a wee.
Several minutes pass.
Jamie: What's the man doing?
Amanda: (says) Having a wee. (thinks) Looking through our dirty laundry.
Several minutes pass.
Jamie: What's the man doing?
Amanda: (says) Having a wee. (thinks) Looking for drugs to steal.
Several minutes pass.
Maia (running down hall): Man! Man! Man!
Amanda apprehends Maia just as she's about to start banging on the door.
Steven (emerging from bedroom): What's going on?
Amanda: The postman is using the bathroom.
Steven: What, for ten minutes?!
Amanda: Yep.
Postman emerges from bathroom, smiling sweetly.
Postman: (says) Thank you! (thinks) Mwah ha ha ha.
Amanda: (says) You're welcome! (thinks) Dirty bugger.
The End.
Ewwwww!!! I'd have told him to sod off and come back when he has all your half-inched stuff!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! Note to self, never let postie through front door!! I must say that the last none-family member to use our toilet (man delivering bunk beds) did manage to break the flush and it took me three days to find the right bit to fix it. Let this be a lesson to you all!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, hope your 'missing' things turn up soon!
xxx
LOL @ Vonnie!! That's what I'd have wanted to do too.
ReplyDeleteOur postie is odd too - no stealing or toilet using but he keeps calling me 'sweetcheeks' - I'm 30 FGS!!
Oooh I've just found your Flikr group - photos are uploading as I type!
ReplyDeleteCheeky bugger! I agree with Vonnie
ReplyDeleteDid you not ask him where all your stuff was? I'd have led him to a cupboard instead of the loo, and then locked him in until he confessed to everything.
ReplyDeleteOur postie has recently broken a magnetic catflap because he kept on trying to shove parcels through it, even though it was very evidently shut and only a magnet would open it :(
Eurgh how strange!! I have a "thing" about strange men using our toilet. If any ever ask, I say we're waiting for a repair man to come coz it won't flush. I have trouble enough using public loos, let along letting the "public" use mine!! Yeurch! Thinking about it makes me shiver!! :S
ReplyDeleteGemma x x
eww.. glad my postie is you average fluffy haired werewolf type... though I do get freaked out by the carpet vampire in his carpet shopt lair.
ReplyDelete