Sunday, 12 February 2012


The part of Robert Redford will be played by me. The part of fake refugee will be played by Branson.

I have been very touched by the collective good-will towards my finger. The little twins who live across the street have even been praying for me. Don't worry about me, God. Honestly, I'm fine. So I took my bandage off a couple of days ago. The nurse said four days, but I counted the day that she did it, and the day I took it off, and I stayed up very late on Tuesday and Wednesday so those days counted at 1.5 days. Really, it was very close to four days. Apart from Friday (technically the day I should have taken it off), when I had a Robert Redford in The Natural moment, it is healing really well.

To the people who won't get this reference: Robert Redford is a baseball player with a big game and twenty-year old bullet lodged in his stomach. He's at the plate and hits a home run and everyone is like, 'Just look at that guy getting stuff done he's a goddamn hero running around those bases like that WAIT A MINUTE IS THAT BLOOD COMING THROUGH HIS SHIRT WHAT IS GOING ON'. Me and my poorly-bandaged-by-me finger reenacted this scene fairly accurately except for the exploding overhead lights. I couldn't find a single screencap of this dramatic denouement and I was google image searching things like 'robert redford the natural bandage' and 'robert redford the natural blood'. No screencaps. But just look what does come up under 'robert redford bullet wound'...

My old enemy of yore. Nice try, Branson, you are no way heroic like Robert Redford in the The Natural. In fact, The Daily Mail reports the story as 'The Moment Virgin boss pretended to be a refugee and was 'taken hostage' by armed gunman'. According to the Daily Mail (so by rights I'm calling shenanigans'), this was an official simulation with the United Nations but I'm guessing that faking injuries and pretending to be refugee is not a one-off with this man.

For the sadists who wanted to see what it looked like when I took it off, knock yourselves out. Many apologies to my Flickr contacts who saw the picture without any say in the matter.


  1. That's an impressive mess u made of it. Look after it, its an important part of u. X

  2. Ewwww> Did you cry? I would definitely have cried!......On the plus side you managed to maintain your manicure! x

  3. Some fresh vampire blood might do the trick.