Tuesday, 29 November 2011


Dental reviews: Now 100 % more thorough

Long-term readers might remember the review I did of my dentist earlier this year via the medium of True Blood. Reviews are great, of course, but better when they are not stand-alone pieces. Everyone is left wondering, 'How is this dentist now?', 'What was her six month check-up like?', and 'Did the dynamics of their relationship change now they are more familiar with each other and have gotten over their initial-appointment jitters?' Courtesy of my first cavity in 15 years, I bring you a follow-up review....

Dentist: Hello there. How are you today?
Me: Fine, thank you. How are you?
Dentist (harassed face): Meh.
Me: Bad day, was it?
Dentist: You could say that.
Me: (thinks) I hope it wasn't a malpractice suit.
Dentist: So. You're here because you have a cavity.
Me: Yes.
Dentist: And would you like to have pain relief?
Me: (thinks) Is this a trick question?
Dentist: If you don't it will be sore when I drill.
Me: I would like pain relief.

Pictured: Needle to scale.

Dentist: I have given you two injections.
Me: Okay.
Dentist: Just about to drill. It might still be sore, the injections were only small. Let me know if you can't take it.
Me: (thinking) What does this guy have against pain relief?
Dentist: Here we go....

Pictured: My actual response.

Dentist: Would you like another injection?
Me: Yes please.
Dentist: Okay, done. We might as well clean your teeth while we wait for it to kick in.

Pictured: Routine teeth cleaning

Dentist: Nurse, can I have the suction?

Pictured: Dental nurse

Dentist: Is it fully numb now?

Pictured: All of the paralysed nerves and muscles in my face.

Me: Yes.
Dentist: I am going to put this thing in your mouth.

Pictured: approximation of apparatus

Dentist: Let's get drilling.

Pictured: Dentists everywhere.

Dentist: Okay, all done. You should rinse now.

Pictured: Pre-rinsed.

Me: Thank you.
Dentist: You're welcome. See you in six months.

The end.


  1. I feel bad now to admit that I love my dentist.

    I must add though that when I started seeing my current dentist, it came after a period of about 3 years of not going (didn't have insurance after I married and was in grad school until I got my big girl job). I looked for a dentist with lasers, because I was convinced that my teeth would be riddled with cavities. They weren't. But my dentist offers pillows and blankets, they all wear flavored gloves, and he has a miniature sand blaster to use on spots that are decayed on the surface. He's fantastic!

    But I think the commute might be a bit much for you to manage every six months.

  2. LOL! I've now thankfully got a wonderful dentist who is the mother of a good friend of mine - I should have changed to her years ago as it sounds as though my old dentist has moved up to your area!

  3. Oh dear. I used to see a dentist not too far from you when I lived in da 'burgh and he was EVIL. I wonder if it's the same one.

    I now see the Hot Spanish Dentist down here in Bristol and he's so pretty that I don't care how much it hurts. They're taking NHS patients, if you can handle the commute.

  4. Sorry, but that's had me laughing (very quietly as I'm in a room with a sleeping child). My old dentist was great. The new one not so much. At the first appointment she stabbed my gum till it bled, then acted thoroughly put out that I wanted to spit out the blood/try to stop it bleeding rather than gag on a mouthful of blood while she finished the examination. I hate to think what she'd be like if I needed a filling!

  5. I am sending you waves of sympathy since I would much prefer serial pelvic exams to a single, routine trip to the dentist. Can you find one that specializes in wimps? When I had a root canal the place had a menu of things I could order prior. It included hot tea and - I kid you not - a hug.

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  7. I really shouldn't have looked at those pictures when I was eating my breakfast :|

  8. Hahahaha funniest post ever and time to change dentists I think!

  9. Have you tried signing up for the NHS dentist in Stockbridge? I found it hilarious that an actual dentist commented on your post.....

  10. The last dentist I had in the UK made a pass at my teeth, and my skin crawled so much I never went back (my current (Irish) dentist is great though).

    It's nice to have a good dentist but Indywriter's dentist's flavoured gloves is a bit too weird for me.

  11. I'd laugh out loud, but I'm too busy cringing in sympathy. I hope at least it's fixed the cavity...

  12. The flavored glove thing *is* a bit weird... but it's fairly subtle. Instead of having that latex flavor, you get a hint of mint, grape, or bubblegum.

  13. That was a horrifying post...v glad that I have just been and so have eleven months before my next appointment in which to forget it!