Thursday, 24 February 2011


My pre-emptive attempt at becoming Reviewer Extraordinaire

I've never posted a review on here before because no one ever offers me anything I want I have heaps of integrity and lots of money anyway. But I'm feeling left out of this review-laden blog world and rather that sit back and wait for the products and experiences to (inevitably) flood in, I'm going to do a review I wasn't even asked to do. You have to make your own opportunities, people.

So yesterday I went to my new dentist:

  • Good magazine selection in waiting room.
  • Tact: New dentist did not even mention my over-zealous attempts the night before my appointment to pimp my teeth and trick him into thinking I floss all the time.
  • Skill: As I hadn't been to the dentist in *cough* three years *cough*, I had one meta-tooth connected by tarter. (Well, two teeth. One on the top and one on the bottom.) Using mad dentistry skillz he successfully separated the meta-teeth into their constituent teeth.
  • Waiting room was the temperature of Hades.
  • Lack of chat: Previous dentist was like long-lost best friend. It was initially creepy when he seemed to remember in minute detail what we discussed at last dental appointment. Turned out he made notes on your file. New dentist was not interested in discussing holidays or becoming best friend.
  • No freebies: Was not offered new toothbrush or sensitive person toothpaste. Previous dentist, as best friend, hooked me up with products.
  • Dental hygienist keep getting my tongue stuck in suction pipe.
  • Zeal: technically this is a Pro (see 'Skill' above) but the separating of my teeth and the evisceration of my gums made me resemble:

Unintended bonus:
  • I have no issues with my teeth that require further work. Steven, however, found out at his appointment that he has two cavities. Me= Moral High Ground. Steven= Dental Cash Cow.
On balance, New Dentist was not as likely to become my friend in real life as Previous Dentist. However, he was way less menacing than First Dentist, who once dropped a (mid-drilling) drill onto my lip and on another occassion almost shot my dad while hunting. Therefore, middling on a personal level. Professionally, seems to know his stuff.

If you are a medical practitioner in Edinburgh who is interested in having your services reviewed, please contact me. As a family, we have a lot of experience with the medical profession and have had no less than four doctor, three nurse and four dental appointments in the last month alone! I will provide a balanced review and a relevant True Blood picture to illustrate your service. Examples of my work:

This is me giving a blood sample.

This is me having my smear.

Disclaimer: Obviously I received no compensation for this review. Yet. But if I've blogged about it it's a valid business expense, right?


  1. made me giggle. its was probably a dental nurse using the suction device as hygienests do cleaning and other stuff but generally don't assist dentists (i say this only cos i work in a building full of these people!). glad you'enjoyed' it!

  2. Bugger. I'll never make it as a medical reviewer if I don't get my terminology right. Thanks, Undomesticated Scientist :)

  3. Thank you for making me smile at the end of an unproductive morning :-)
    Who'd be a dentist? Did you know they have the highest suicide rate of all professionals? Staring into mouths must be depressing hence the lack of small talk and may be why your previous dentist attempted to shoot your father.

  4. No words.

    I'm bleeding internally from having to control my laughter :D

  5. Thanks for the morning laugh. My day is off to a good start now!

  6. hmm, I look like pic 2 when getting a smear and pic 3 when getting my teeth done. It appears I am getting it all wrong - maybe this is why I don't get appointment reminders?
    (Pic 1; that's me at the end of half term.)

  7. It's nice to know you can still be some cheerful after a trip to the dentist. And now I wish True Blood was back on THIS WEEK.

  8. Good reviewing skillz! It took me 11 months on a waiting list before I got a place with an NHS dentist, so I am just glad about not having to re-mortgage the house if I ever need treatment. Not that I do *polishes 'Clean Teeth Award' sticker*

  9. You have ace reviewing skills. I am tempted to blatantly copy, though next week it is actually a smear and I DO NOT look like your picture when I have one so perhaps the world doesn't need to know...

  10. My last dentist in Edinburgh ignored me completely whilst rummaging around in my mouth and singing to himself. Badly. So I don't think you're doing too badly, on the whole.

  11. Oh my god, laughing really hard right now. Especially liked the part about you pimping your teeth.

  12. Very funny. Might have to see my new dentist to offer up my own one... then again that means seeing my new dentist so maybe not.

  13. You appear to have a bit of raspberry jam on your thigh sweetie ;)

    LMAO I never get offered anything to review either can't think what we're doing wrong?

  14. Hilarious. This rings so true as I too was at the dentist last week after 2 years of no appts...and did the mental flossing night before to arrive 'ta-da I DO floss!' Thanks for the laugh. Genius piece.

  15. Ok, so i am going to admit that I clicked on this post from my feed primarily because of the shot of the delectable Eric in his foils (god that was funny at the time). On reading more I found myself laughing out loud literally and believe it or not I went to the dentist yesterday too. I think my dentist is flippin brilliant and travel over an hour to go for appointments now we moved away. If you move to Cambs area I will give you his number. Gret post, keep em coming.

  16. a marvelous post! i think the government should employ you to review all medical establishments through the medium of true blood - it would be much more helpful than all those nasty numbers and tables! perhaps you could branch out and review schools too?

  17. Brilliant, just brilliant!

  18. I'm not sure if you're best at comedy or sewing - you do them both SO stinking well! I was laughing out loud at the pap picture - your GYN appears a bit rough. (My verification word is "explute," as in "I expluted while reading this post, then had to go clean up a bit.")

  19. LOL! I thoroughly enjoyed that.. The note taking is kind of creepy, my dentist does it too so I'm torn between love ("wow! He remembered that!") and mistrust ("no. He wrote that down! Weird!") ;)