Saturday, 21 November 2009


Astronomy and toilet training

Welcome to Week One Million of toilet training Maia. And by Week One Million, I mean Week Four. It just feels like Week One Million, because of the amount of laundry we're doing. Or the number of plastic bags we're accruing filled with soiled clothes either destined for the laundry, or in some cases, the bin. We're trying everything: gentle encouragement, praise, not so gentle encouragement, rewards, pleading, voodoo. But the girl will just not poop where she's meant to to. I'm at the end of my tether, I'm willing to try anything. And by anything I mean astronomy.

Sheesh, astonomy is complicated. Every single day, all these planets are moving, into different alignments, different convergences, into houses, out of houses... What does it all mean? And what does it all mean about pooping? I've been charting everything. Charting all these variables and how they interact with each other. And I came up with this:

If you're not an astronomer like me, you might need a bit of guidance to read this chart. Every coloured line represents a scenario and where they intersect, an outcome. So 'Fully clothed' and 'In public' results in pooping at the soft play centre. If only I'd consulted my charts before that happened. This week we've at least moved into the 'Sheer Bloody Coincidence' meridian, and she's had three on the toilet. Whether or not we're temporarily or permanently in the House of Toilet-Trained is not clear though.


  1. Thank you so much for giving me a giggle while in work on a Saturday! Your sheer brillance with charts is a thing to be admired.


  2. Your just too funny! can we call you 'Mystic Mandy' from now!
    X K

  3. I found toilet training a girl far harder than the boys. Lucy was almost three before we fully accomplished it and even now we get wet nights. not much fun.

    you have my sympathies, hopefully she'll crack it soon and you'll wonder what all the fuss was about!

  4. I'm only laughing because we're living it too.

  5. Love the chart, it all makes so much sense now - but WOW you're tenacious - four weeks! I tried several times with my son but only put up with 'accidents' for about 10 days before putting him back in nappies. Again. And again. But then he (I?) only suceeded when he was 3-and-three-quarters-and-the-school-wouldn't-take-him-otherwise. And even then my Mum helped!

    I'm not looking forward to trying with the little one... probably next summer... just before she's due to start school...

  6. this a good place to say my CAT taught himself to use the loo?

  7. [IMG][/IMG]
    As promised, pic of K in the smock!