Friday 29 May 2009

11

My dark secret


I've got a confession to make: I have multiple personality disorder. Not in the medical sense, mind, in the cyber sense. Would it shock if I said that in the real world I am shy, private and introverted? If I had a pound for every time someone said 'Gee, I didn't use to like you. You come across as very aloof', I could buy a bottle of semi-decent wine. And then drink to numb the pain. Because I really don't like giving people the impression I'm aloof, in my heart I'm warm and engaging and maybe even a tiny bit charming. Even my own mom said recently that she liked reading my blog because she's learning more about me, that it's like a 'secret' diary.

When I first started writing this blog, I worried about finding my voice and *gasp* people who would want to read it. It's taken me awhile to feel comfortable writing and sharing but I've realised something a little bit alarming: I can be who I really am here. And being myself here is helping me be myself out there. Slowly. I don't think it's a coincidence that my three and a half year stint in therapy for depression is finally coming to an end.

So why the confession today? Because tomorrow (drumroll please...), my family is meeting up with Vonnie's family and going to the zoo. We've all been getting to know each other cyber-style: she reads my blog, I read her blog, last night Steven read Bob's blog. In the absence of Steven having a blog, I wrote a personal ad on his behalf for Bob to read. And I'm worried that when we meet she'll think, 'Who's this imposter? She's nothing like her blog!' But I'm getting there. And thanks for helping :)

11 comments:

  1. people who know me in RL say that about me too - "i used to think you were really stuck up" - i'm not good with people i don't know - i'm not good at parties {unless i'm drunk, then i won't shut up} i'd love to meet up with my fellow bloggers/twitter's/forum friends but i worry i'd clam up and they'd find me boring. sorry that was very me me ME!!!
    i'm sure you and Vonnie will have a real hoot and kids are a great ice-breaker! Have a fun time at the zoo zoo zoo x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Its quite a relief actually to hear that in real life you are introverted and shy as I was completely in awe of you before - managing 2 children, writing a hilarious blog and making gorgeous clothes - I was beginning to feel a bit inferior! Nice to know you are just human like the rest of us. I love your blog - its so honest and funny and I love that you write every day. I've just started mine and i'm really enjoying it so far - come and have a look!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get that all the time too. My IRL people will say "Hey. I read your blog..." and then leave a long pause waiting for me to say something. I think they feel like they think they've stumbled upon a big dirty secret.

    I hate being socially awkward.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh me too! Apparently I used to come across as arrogant, when in fact I was just incredibly shy and didn't like to look at people in case they didn't like me! Goodness knows how I come across now. Great blog, glad to hear that you're feeling better, depression is a nasty thing that needs kicking! Have a fantastic weekend! x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha ha, I totally understand where your coming from! A teacher once wrote about me 'her cool, detached demeanour can be somewhat disconcerting at times'. And I like him......

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cathy Eriksson29 May 2009 at 17:48

    You are warm, engaging and loads of charming both in real life and in person. I do love you blog, you are a natural!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Cathy Eriksson29 May 2009 at 17:49

    Both in real life and in person? That is not what I meant to say. I am little tired after a day in the sun. Sorry you didn't get to enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. People would say the same thing about me; socially I'm very shy. Don't worry about meeting Vonnie, she can talk for Scotland. She even talks to total strangers on the street. I love her.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with Sew Scrumptious that it is a relief to hear that you are a little unsure of yourself sometimes...You do seem to have it all together! Your blog is so well written and funny and sly...very intimidating for a writing slob like me who doesn't even attempt written humor since I am quite sure it will be a disaster! I have the opposite blog/RL personality problem...I sound like a bland dolt on my blog and am reasonably sure that I am somewhat more interesting in real life...ha!I hope I am anyway....*self doubt starting to creep in*
    It's lovely to hear that you are feeling better. Have fun at the zoo!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think you're amazing! You're bringing up your two children, and running a business designing and making clothes, and from your blog doing it with humour and style - I've met a few people who I've met online in real life, and the first five minutes are a bit awkward, but suddenly it clicks and you are your online self and they are their online self and it all works.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I thought you were just lovely ;)

    ReplyDelete