Friday 18 September 2009

9

Tears of a clown


Let me tell you about how two-faced I am. Before you get alarmed, I don't mean that I'm duplicitous or sneaky, I mean that I literally have two faces: 'no make-up' and 'too much make-up'. To my great shame and discomfort, I just never learned how to apply makeup in a normal fashion. 'But wait', I hear you say, 'Didn't you watch your mom?' Nope, she doesn't wear make-up. 'All right then,' you say, 'just what exactly were you doing with your teenage years?' Well, mostly kicking a ball about with the other tomboys. And now I'm all grown up, and I can't do it myself. Normally? Not a big deal, as my typical uniform of jeans, t-shirts and hoodies would look a bit incongruous with a face full of slap. But if I'm going out into town with other grown up ladies, it'd be nice. Here's what typically happens: I stand in front of the mirror putting a little bit on. I can't see it, so I put a bit more on, I can't see it so I put a bit more on, and repeat until I look like this:


Which brings us neatly to the movie IT. For some inexplicable reason, both Jamie and Maia are obsessed with the box. No matter where I stash it, they manage to find it. It looks like this:



And then Jamie and I had this conversation:

Jamie: Look, it's Mummy!
Me: What, the clown?!
Jamie: Yeah! It's what Mummy looks like, at night time!
Me: I look like a clown at night time?
Jamie: Yeah, when I'm in my bed!
Me (thinking to myself): Is this why he can't sleep at night?
Jamie: First, you do this... (rubs his cheeks) Then you do this... (strokes eyelids) Then you do this... (blots lips). And then you go out with your friends!
Me: Oh, I see what you mean...

9 comments:

  1. Aaaahahahahahaha!!

    Awwww I bet you don't at all. I should introduce you to Eileen - she's a makeup artist :D

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  2. *snurk* I have never been able to do eyeliner and mascara properly.. I don't entirely look like Tammy Fay but I rarely leave the house without some for of makeup on.. or my hair wild enough to hide my face. :P

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  3. Lol, I am exactly the same, my mum never wears makeup and I never learnt from my friends cos they didn't wear it either. Cue clown face whenever I go out!
    There must be makeup classes somewhere that don't make you look like the makeup ladies at department stores?!

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  4. I have the same issue- if I do put on make up ( once every couple of years really) I feel like my face is dirty or I forget its there and smear it all over the place. My mom is blind and for obvious reasons never really wore make up- occasionally she wore lipstick but she always had one of us help her out.
    Also- it's crazy things that will NOT scare the crap out of a kid- when I was a kid I saw a commercial for that movie and was convinced that clown was under my bed every night. Jamie's even afraid of a bear and that movie box doesn't phase him. Crazy.

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  5. HAHAHA! Nice one Jamie! I have the same problem, although I'd like to think that I don't look like the clown but who knows...

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  6. I totally feel you on the makeup thing. My mom wasn't a makeup person either. I learned a ton from this girl who has amazing youtube tutorials. her main site is www.askmemakeup.com and at the bottom there is a link to her youtube tutorials.
    You always look beautiful in your pictures though :)

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  7. HaHa! Sorry - this made me laugh! A lot! Children, don't you just love 'em?!!

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  8. I have kind of the opposite problem. Even though I hardly ever wear it, I can do great makeup. I just never want to get up early enough (and yes, I am such a slug that I want every. possible. second. of sleep).

    Thing is, when I do take the time to put some on, my girls rave so much that I begin to wonder if my everyday look is something akin to Jojo the Dog-faced Boy. (And we won't even begin to address my husband's disappointment with my lack of makeup wearing... let's just say that his previous girlfriend used to sell Mary Kay.)

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  9. Hahahhaaaaaa :)
    I love make up. Maybe try Lauren Lukes stuff on Youtube? This one is quite neutral: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwlQZoOPrhU&feature=channel_page
    but there are loads of others that are a bit more glam.

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