Sunday, 20 September 2009


This aching...

Jamie went to his first non-family, non-close-friend birthday party today. I wasn't sure what was meant to happen as this was uncharted waters... was I meant to leave him and run or stick around and help out in some undisclosed manner? We arrived at a big gymnasium with a bouncy castle and lots of kids running around. Jamie was fixated on the birthday boy only, there were three other kids that he knew from nursery there (of which two girls) but not well I think so it was all birthday boy for him. Obviously, the man of the day knew everyone (well, he would, it was his party) so Jamie's wasn't given the undivided attention he'd hoped for. 'Come play with me, come play with me!' was often unheard and it hurt me deep inside. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it was the birthday boy's fault at all but, oh god, it hurt. I ended up leaving for a half an hour to have a coffee because I couldn't deal, and when I came back Jamie was lying down on his own on a matt with a torn face and pouting. When he saw me his face lit up like a beacon and he ran over, 'Can we go home now?' he asked. I'm used to this misfit-ism for myself, but for the boy? Ouch, ouch, ouch.


  1. Oh no, oh poor Jamie :(

    I don't know what to suggest except maybe encourage him to socialise more? If you have time, maybe you could make playdates for him with other kids his age who'll be starting school with him? That way if this comes up again he at least has other friends he's familiar with?

    Don't take it too hard, Nairn and Erica are quite like that too. Nairn has actually obsessively been going on and on about Jamie since you guys were last here x

  2. He's actually fine one-on-one with kids because he does have the attention he wants, but in groups he struggles... His best pal has just started nursery with him this year and I've been told that J is obsessed with him and him only. Just hurts to see him on the fringes, probably because I'm used to being there myself in groups. Including today with the mums to be honest...

  3. Aww bless him. I bet Jamie will be fine when he goes to a party with more friends. Lou went to one a while back. It was her best (boy) friend from nursery, she had left a few months and he still sent the invite so she didn't know anyone else and she was like Jamie, following her little friend around like a lost lamb. I felt so sorry for her but now she is at school and knows most of the kids, she is fine, playing with different ones.

  4. Sounds exactly like Tom. Great one-to-one, hopeless in groups, and I hate to say it, but it doesn't necessarily get better as they get older. I find being a mother gets harder and harder. Hugs to Jamie xx

  5. aww bless.. I'm still like that now.. I don't fit in a parties.. unless I can hide in the kitchen... H is a diffrent creature alltogether he is definitly more of a people person, but he likes to use his imagination to play games and one of the kids on the street picks on him and is a nasty little sod because H is not bothered about playing football he would rather play war, or jedi knights, or any number of things...

    if Jamie is best one on one leave it at that...he may change when he gets older or he may be like the rest of us on the fringe... which isn't always a bad thing...I don't think I could be friends with most of the mums at H's school not that I think they would give me much of a chance anyway...

  6. Poor Jamie:( I know what that's like, and hope it improves for him

  7. My youngest son is very like that, but his key worker at nursery really helped him to come on with socialising with his peers - he now has a wee (very wee) group of pals and is totally fine. He's never going to be a social butterfly (the way his big brother is) but he's a happy wee boy. It was hard for me at first because growing up I thought popularity was *everything* (probably because I never had it). I realise now that it really isn't.
    Try not to worry too much - Jamie will pick up on your feelings eventually and to be honest there's nothing wrong with being a bit awkward (that goes for you too!). I bet he grows up to be the cool hipster that all the girls harbour crushes on but are worried they aren't groovy enough for :D

  8. Oh, that is heartbreaking... As everyone else has said,though, he's not alone in this, and he will be okay. Especially with such an understanding, affirming and lovely mother!

    I suppose the positive thing is that socialising is something that can be learnt. Lots of us aren't immediately comfortable in new social situations, but we've learned strategies over time that work, and that's something you can arm him with for the next party, so he's prepared.

    And I love cupotea's prediction for his future :)