Pictured: Everyday occurrencesAs a class, the Primary Ones at Jamie's school are working themselves through an initiative centred around 'keeping yourself safe'. They have to learn their names, addresses, phone numbers, emergency contact details and a series of books have been sent home to read through and discuss. To this point the books have depicted Criminal Minds-type scenarios like strangers trying to entice you to into their car or help them find their dog. They end with a multiple choice: a) do want the stranger wants b) do something random c) scream 'I DON'T KNOW YOU' and run away. So far, so sensible (ish).
But then there was last night's book... The little girl is waiting for her mum to pick her up from school, the mum is late, the girl decides to walk home by herself, the girl gets frightened and cries, a man asks her if she is lost. And then the multiple choice. According to the 'Keeping Yourself Safe' rules, the girl is supposed to scream 'I DON'T KNOW YOU' and run away. I'm really uncomfortable with that answer.
The man is doing nothing sinister, he's asking a crying child if she's lost. As an adult if I saw a child crying and alone, I'd ask them if they were okay. But would I if I was worried that they were taught to scream at me and run away? Or is it different because I'm a woman? And similarly, if one of my children was scared and lost, I'd like to think that there would be people willing to help. I mean, how scared and lost would you feel if you were taught that everyone you didn't explicitly know was a threat?
I'm interested... What do you think about the message in this book? Am I the only one who's uncomfortable teaching my kids that there aren't people in the world who would genuinely want to help them?
I don't like it either. There was an editorial in the Wall Street Journal awhile ago about this drive to make every man a scary man. I like the scenario that encourages lost kids to look for "a mommy" since statistically that raises the odds of finding a safe person. But sheesh - the odds of someone unsafe trolling around looking for lost kids is also pretty low.
ReplyDeleteI forget where, but I've actually read that outgoing kids are safer since they are willing to approach someone for help instead of waiting for someone to approach them.
ReplyDeleteSeems the chances of accidentally approaching a "bad person" are pretty slim. All of these "strangers are terrifying" tactics can mean that a kid doesn't get the help they need when they need it.
I'm also uncomfortable with this, not everyone in the world is bad. My 10 year old was out for a walk with my husband and his little brother and sister last weekend. He then had a hissyfit and stormed off into the forest and got himself lost. My husband was trying to look for him but was slowed down by the fact he had a 5 and 2 year old with him as well. A couple had found my eldest crying and had helped him find his way back to the car. If he has rejected their help it would have taken much longer and probably involved the police or something. He has now learned his lesson!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad, the vast majority of adults are no danger to children. You could argue that with this kind of demonisation of men children are 50% less safe as half of all responsible adults are now too nervous to take an interest in them.I like the idea of looking for a Mummy. That, or we just get'em chipped like the cat :-)
ReplyDeleteI've told my kids to approach someone in uniform (either police, shop assistant, employee) for help, otherwise I've told them to approach a Mummy with children. My logic was that those people should be in a position to help and I feel my girls would be more comfortable approaching a strange woman rather than a strange man (who might or might not be actually able to help, useless creatures that they are!!). Recently I came across 2 sisters (7ish & 5ish) who's mother's car had broken down and had to stay near the car but the youngest need the toilet. They were sent into the swimming pool where they had just left and we we just about to enter. I couldn't see the mother so just saw 2 very young children hanging about the car park so I approached them with my daughter. They sort of explained what was happening so I escorted them into the building but the whole time the youngest kept saying 'I shouldn't talk to people I don't know' to which I said 'Quite right but Mummies with children are ok if you really need help'
ReplyDeleteIt a tough call isn't we don't what to terrify our children that every grown up especially men are the Child Catcher but we need to let them know that some people aren't good people. We all know horror stories about kids going missing but in reality they are few and far between, AFAIK statistically the people kids should be wary of are their own family/friends/extended family. I think the comment that outgoing kids are safer has a lot of truth to it, what are the chances of a lost child randomly approaching the Child Catcher rather than the Child Catcher seeing an obviously vulnerable child and taking advantage of that.
I agree with you. Its not right to teach children that all 'men' are scary and dangerous. There was an awful story a few years ago where a man drove past a distressed 2 year old on a road and didn't stop because he felt really anxious about how it would look if he as a man approached a young child. He drove past and didn't stop and the child drowned in a pond several hours later. Children are much more at risk from people they know generally. Its so difficult to know what to do for the best.
ReplyDeleteThe real kicker is that most "dangerous" people are someone children know.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know a number of men who are afraid to help/approach an obviously lost child because they fear of being branded some kind of pervert. THIS is what the safety culture has done to people and it bothers me a great deal.
My brother was on the subway with his girlfriend's dog and a bunch of children came up to him because the dog is pretty cute. He said it was sweet but he also was worried that he might appear creepy because he didn't have a kid of his own. And really that is just sad because my brother is great with kids and an incredibly kind and loving person.
This is something that has always bothered me too. I don't feel right about how we vilify all men to children, when the real number of dangerous men is very low. It's things like this that make men less likely to engage with children, or even enter a profession working with children. When i was a child, my 3rd, 4th and 5th grade teachers were all men, and were fantastic teachers. These days male teachers are so rare, and i think it's important for children to have a wide range of perspectives to draw upon.
ReplyDeleteOoh, it's a toughie, isn't it? I hate the idea of teaching my kids that all strangers/men are scary, but when it comes to it I'll probably tell them to stick to shopkeepers/policemen/mummies with kids. Dificult call though.
ReplyDeleteHmm I would disagree with that as well but I have also felt uneasy about asking a child if they were lost because I was worried about being a stranger approaching a young child. I ended up half following a little girl to make sure that she found her mum, around the corner which clearly would have looked a damn sight more dodgy that just asking in the first place!
ReplyDeletei think the message is
ReplyDelete"DON'T TRUST ANYONE THEY ARE ALL PERVERTED CHILD MURDERS"
what do you think the message is?
This is a dilemma for me because I also want my kids to be very polite (a Southern thing?), so I always drilled that into Drew. Then McGruff the crime dog (policeman in a dog suit - is this also a Southern thing? We sound really weird now) came to kindergarten to teach the bad stranger thing. That night I asked Drew what he would do if a stranger asked him to get in the car. He said he would yell, "NO!!!!...thank you."
ReplyDeleteEeek, this is a hard one. Like Nic, I've followed a child rather than approach it directly, to try to see if it was safe. Must have looked very dodgy. The stats are very clear - way more abuse is by adults known to children. The poor child in the story would probably be even more lost after running away in a panic. I would have thought that story would be of more use in showing how she should never have set off alone anyway, but should have gone back into school to tell a teacher mummy is late.
ReplyDeleteOutrageous! My daughter is doing 'stranger danger' which I think is also unhelpful. a policewoman visited nusery & the take-home message we got was, "if you are in a forest don't talk to a wolf and do stay on the path." hmmm
ReplyDeletewe have decided on " Never go with someone you don't know" for now, as we feel it is unlikely that she will be harmed by merely talking to someone, no matter how evilly minded they may be.