Happy Subversive Valentine's Day

To express my love and appreciation to my husband for his heartfelt card and the box of Gobstoppers (he will no doubt eat on the sly), I made Steven a really special card.

Are you sure about that?

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I see your Ludicrous Request and raise you one...

Nose: days one through four.  It's gotten less exciting since then.

Thanks for all your continued well-wishes on my recovery, kind readers.  Particular gratitude goes to the Anonymous commentors, who have left their good will / shop links no less that 27 times since I last posted.  I was gone, but surely not forgotten.  By the spammers.  You will (most likely) be pleased to know that the bruising and swelling have all but disappeared, my Transformers Mask is coming off tomorrow and I'm feeling much more like my old self.  And by 'my old self' I mean ornery and sarcastic.

Here's an actual email from a PR person today:

Hi Kitschy,

My name is Isabelle and I am currently working with xx A fabric shop in Melbourne xx. I came across your site http://kitschycoo.blogspot.com/2010/09/very-big-list-of-best-uk-online-fabric.html  . I love the content and the style of your articles. We were wondering if you would write a blog for us to be posted on your great site?

We were thinking the topic could be:

·         The right blinds to suit your home design

·         Types of blinds for your home

·         3 Reasons why you may want to install blinds

Or you could pick your own topic. And we just need a link back to our website in this.

Not a promotional piece just a general piece like the ones you've been writing.

Hope to hear back from you soon!

Obviously I skedaddled straight over to Facebook to elicit your collective outrage at such a cheeky request.  And then fell prey to (only minimal) pressure to email her back with a request of my own.

Hi Melbourne,  thanks for your email.  I clicked through to your site, I like your aesthetic and information on blinds.  Normally I don't take unsolicitated requests for blog posts to be written, particularly for non-UK companies and without any incentive or relevancy to my readers, but maybe we can work something out.  In exchange for me spending time writing a promotional post for you, I was thinking you could add some of my product images to the gallery on your great site?   You could add a picture of:

• Clothes
• Fabric
• Patterns

Or you could pick a picture from my blog; there's quite a few of me for example.  And all I'd need was a link back to my shop (http://www.kitschycoo.bigcartel.com/).  Like you, I can't offer any promotional incentive for featuring my business but if this is how PR works then sign me up.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Amanda 

I haven't heard back yet but will keep you updated.

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From the heart. You better listen.

I saw soooooo many creative and inspiring hand-made cards for Valentine's this year. But with it being half-term, there's no school and therefore no one to make cards for. Good news for me as I get to make zero effort, but also good for the six-year olds of Edinburgh because this is the collaborative effort from me and Jamie*:

Australasians, I'm sorry it's too late for you to print these to give to friends. North Americans, there's still time.

*When I say 'collaborative effort', I mean that Jamie drew it, wrote Happy Valentine's Day on it, and went to bed. The rest is my doing.

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The Alternative Christmas Gift Guide

It's that time of the year when the air is filled with the dulcet tones of my progeny chanting 'I want that, I want that, I want that' at every commercial and catalogue they see. Lengthy and precise letters to Santa have been written, and every adult within a ten mile radius (whether we know them or not) has been instructed what to buy.

Gifts for the girl
Steven and I have been arguing about to what extent to give into Maia's wish fulfilment. Never has a more gender-stereotyped child walked this Earth. The feminist in me objects to at least 80% of her list; she does not need anything in her life that solidifies her notion that girls are vapid and superficial.

The girl wants a Barbie head, ergo I will get her this one. I win.


The girl wants a My Little Pony, ergo I will get this one. Two- nil.


Gifts for the boy
Not as contentious as his sister's. Batman-centric.

I've mentioned before about Jamie's deep-seated fear of bears. Will a poster of Batman Bear change his mind?


Nah, probably not. This ursaphobia is seriously disruptive to our lives: the hall light needs to be on overnight with their bedroom door open, he requires a chaperone in every room in our own flipping house for fear of The Bear. Bat-Bear is cool, no doubt. But this level of fear calls for some aversion therapy:


Worried about finding youself inside a bear's stomach? No need. So plush and cosy.

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Send my prize this way

Despite my incessant whinging and pleading for an oven for approximately two years now, The Fairy Hobmother and I are still friends. Ish. Remember that old Chinese proverb, 'If friend does not have functional oven, other friend who sells ovens provides for her'? That one is under-appreciated. Anyway, he gave me the heads up that they are having a Christmas card competition through their facebook page where you design a card for them and they give me an oven or appliance of your choice. Never one to pass a competition up (except for most other competitions), I set my photoshopping skillz to the test. My original idea was to create a card that said, 'AppliancesOnline, giving bloggers other than Kitschy Coo ovens for (insert: time frame)' but:

1. I couldn't find how long they'd been in business and therefore giving ovens to other people for. 'Years' was too vague. 'Ages' is a better use of the vernacular but still lacking specificity. Personally, I liked 'far too long' and thought it most accurately reflected the situation but it sounds a bit menacing.
   
2. In general, this card lacked universal appeal. Personal appeal, not lacking. Universal appeal, perhaps.
3. Not Christmassy.

So it was back to the drawing board. How could I combine a 'Happy Christmas' message with my agenda to score an new oven? Here's how:


If you have not watched Mad Men and are not therefore an advertising expert like me, just look at this subtle design. Universal appeal? Check. Everyone looking at this card will be heart-warmed by the combination of Santa, nice people, and appliance wish fulfilment. Clear message? Check. People need appliances and appliancesonline makes it happen. Let me repeat: People need appliances and appliancesonline makes it happen. *cough cough cough*

Disclaimer: The Fairy Hobmother compensated me for my time in posting this. But not with a oven, because this is a cruel world. The competition to design a card / win an appliance is on this page and submissions close tomorrow. If you do submit a card, please don't make it better than mine unless you are planning to send me your prize.

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I am now officially An Expert

In case you missed it, yesterday I guest posted over on Sew Sweetness as part of her Photography Week. It was lovely to be asked, although I was quite nervous about unleashing my dorkiness on a whole set of blissfully-unaware-of-me readers. I shared my tips on Quick and Dirty Photo Editing using your standard issue Windows Photo Viewer and you should go read it.

Unsure of my credentials at photo editing? My friend Kat asked someone to remove a lady from one of her pictures. Here is the offensive lady:

And now she's gone!


I didn't charge Kat for my expertise (yet) but will be happy to accept commissions of similar work.

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Ah, Valentines. The perfect opportunity to get my husband in his pants.

Every year I am distinctly unimpressed with the Valentine's cards in the shops, none of them really express how I feel. So I thought this year I should make Steven a personalised one. I mean, who doesn't love a handmade card? Steven, probably:


After my disastrous misreading of my Groupon hair cut voucher last week, I think it's important to have transparent small print. But I did write 'just kidding' on the inside.


I was feeling a little bit bad about such an insouciant card, so I made him some boxers too. And I felt even meaner when he offered to model them for my blog without me even asking.


I didn't have a pattern, I just cut up one of his old pairs and drafted on that. To make them super comfy, they are french seamed throughout. I am unfeasibly proud of myself for working out the fly. Cooler fabric awaits (space invaders anyone?), but I wanted to make sure these fit first. Those of you who sew for men, let's discuss how gigantic they are. As Steven is slender, I was convinced that these gigantic pants would swamp him but they totally don't. Hmm.

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Hallmark, DO NOT steal our ideas

Me: Hey, Maia, why don't you make a thank you card for Jane for your birthday present?
Maia: Okay.
Me: Why don't you draw a picture of Jane?
Maia: Okay. Maia: Look, I drew her boobies!
Me: She's going to love it.

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If this career doesn't work out I could always work for Hallmark

Imagine my sheepishness when I got a very gushing loving card in return.

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They've replied! Kinda.

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I'll take what I can get

If I hear anyone saying that big corporations don't have the personal touch anymore, I'm going to give tell them to talk to the hand. So. not. true. Just look:


Can you believe that personal touch? My grocery store noticed I've been away and have taken the time to email me! Great customer service cannot be ignored.

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Warning: contains awesomeness

Remember when I said everyone was getting a Thinsulate-based gift for Christmas? They did. They took a lot longer to make than you'd think. Because drawing on Thinsulate with markers is actually very hard.

For Jamie, in homage to The Love of the Dida, a Ryvita cosy:

For Maia, in homage to The Love of Boobies, a pretty brooch:
For Steven, in homage to His Love for Me, a Thinsulate covered notebook:

And look, he likes it so much he's already on page three!

Please try not to be overcome with jealousy. Maybe one day you can marry into my family and get hooked up with Thinsulate gifts too.

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I make Christmas dreams come true. Fact.

I'm a lot like Santa Claus (if Santa Claus was a troublemaker and awesome at Photoshop). For those of you not on Twitter, here's what I got up to yesterday. For those of you who are on Twitter and saw the picture last night but didn't know why I did it, here's why.


What makes this sooo special is that not only have I saved Beadypool from having to buy her husband a Christmas present, but also this is the only picture of her on the whole internet. So now when anyone googles 'pictures of Beadypool' they're going to say, 'she looks like a lot of fun' and buy loads of her jewellery. So I'm helping her business too. You're welcome.

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