Showing posts with label at war with the uterus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label at war with the uterus. Show all posts

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

5

Me and my shadow


For those of you thinking I've finally lost it (and I probably have), that's a Thrush. Geddit? Because these childcare-free days and nights honestly didn't seem long enough, you know, without my BFF turning up to hang out. Again.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

18

I'll take what I can get

If I hear anyone saying that big corporations don't have the personal touch anymore, I'm going to give tell them to talk to the hand. So. not. true. Just look:


Can you believe that personal touch? My grocery store noticed I've been away and have taken the time to email me! Great customer service cannot be ignored.


Tuesday, 4 August 2009

10

Some Things Never Change: A short play

Setting: On family holiday in the US. Unbeknownst to me, my old nemesis Thrush also made the transatlantic trip. Cue visit to pharmacy.

Pharmacist: Can I help you?
Me: Do you sell Diflucan over the counter?
Pharmacist (incredulous): What did you say?!?!
Me: Diflucan. Fluconazole. Do you sell it over the counter?
Pharmacist (shaking head at my brazenness): Absolutely not! You need to go to your doctor for that! (mutters to self) Addict. Junkie.
Me: I'm on holiday, I don't have a doctor here.
Pharmacist: Well, might I suggest the 'Feminine Care' section of aisle 14? We have a vast selection of over-priced, ineffectual and disturbingly named products. You can't miss it.
Me: Thanks, you've been very helpful.
Walks over to Aisle 14, following the flashing arrows that alert all other customers to your predicament.
Me (to self): How will I ever be able to choose between Vagisil and Vagistat? Gyne-lotrimin? Or Vagi-guard? Hmmm, this brand 'Faultless' appeals to my sense of injustice that this happens all the time...
Fills arms with embarrassingly named products and goes to counter, drops haul before teenage girl cashier.
Cashier (cheerfully): So how are you tonight?
Me (with sarcasm): Splendid.
Cashier: That'll be a million dollars.
Me: Here you go.
Cashier (perkily): You have a great night!!
Me: I have a feeling it'll be fantastic, thanks.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

9

Bad news sandwich

Did anyone read in the paper last week about Gordon Brown's legendary temper? Apparently, he is so volatile that his aides have to give him 'bad news' sandwiches: good news, bad news, good news. Sounds like a good plan, so here's my bad news sandwich for you.

I have a new best friend. Not a real person. Not even a cyber crafty person. I am, of course, talking about the twin needle. I heart it. Amanda and twin needle, BFF. It's been helping me make appliques out of my Echino scooters and cars:

Maybe you wondered where I was yesterday as I have nearly a 100% track record for posting every day. I wasn't going to tell you why because a woman's gotta keep a bit of mystique, and it's a bit personal. But as we're all women here (except for my Dad, and he likes hearing about medical problems), here goes. I didn't blog yesterday because I was wallowing in self-pity and pain. I have thrush again. This has been a major problem for me, for ever. When I'm pregnant I have it for nine months, when I'm not I get it probably six times a year. And we're talking no minor irritation here, we're talking 'can't sleep, can't concentrate, can't move, I want to be sedated until it's over' pain. Sometimes I feel like I'm single-handedly propping up the pharmaceutical industry. But with three days to go until my fair, like they say in show business, 'The show must go on'.

So here's my other good news, another money belt. It makes me happy, and has plenty of pockets for all my pharmaceuticals.