The family that dorks together, stays together

It was Steven's birthday last week and also, probably the best day of his life. Because now he has a onesie just like me.  And not just any old onesie...

A onesie with a tail.  None of these lackluster no-tailed onesies for him. Not for his 35th birthday anyway, tis an occassion befit for a tail.

And, of course, a fox face.  If you blow this picture up (as I know you will) you can see that the sticker says 'I'm a fox'.  You tell no lies, sticker, that man is most clearly a fox in his onesie.

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Pick a card, any card

It's only taken me five or six years to do what everyone else does within five or minutes, but I've finally gotten myself some mini MOO cards. 

Fifteen different ones to be exact.

Because I make no logical sense, I've been holding off getting new cards until my age-old mega-bulk business card purchase ran out.  You know, the cards that featured a product I no longer sell at an address I no longer sell at. 

Have you ever tried to photograph a bunch of photographs?  I tried both the compact and the DSLR and they both could not cope with so many faces and depths of field.  I have dozens of terrible pictures of my pictures (that can quite often be terrible to begin with), it was very meta.

If like me you are well behind the times and have just finished your stack of 1000 redundant business cards, you can save 10% off your first MOO order by clicking here.

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I see your Ludicrous Request and raise you one...

Nose: days one through four.  It's gotten less exciting since then.

Thanks for all your continued well-wishes on my recovery, kind readers.  Particular gratitude goes to the Anonymous commentors, who have left their good will / shop links no less that 27 times since I last posted.  I was gone, but surely not forgotten.  By the spammers.  You will (most likely) be pleased to know that the bruising and swelling have all but disappeared, my Transformers Mask is coming off tomorrow and I'm feeling much more like my old self.  And by 'my old self' I mean ornery and sarcastic.

Here's an actual email from a PR person today:

Hi Kitschy,

My name is Isabelle and I am currently working with xx A fabric shop in Melbourne xx. I came across your site http://kitschycoo.blogspot.com/2010/09/very-big-list-of-best-uk-online-fabric.html  . I love the content and the style of your articles. We were wondering if you would write a blog for us to be posted on your great site?

We were thinking the topic could be:

·         The right blinds to suit your home design

·         Types of blinds for your home

·         3 Reasons why you may want to install blinds

Or you could pick your own topic. And we just need a link back to our website in this.

Not a promotional piece just a general piece like the ones you've been writing.

Hope to hear back from you soon!

Obviously I skedaddled straight over to Facebook to elicit your collective outrage at such a cheeky request.  And then fell prey to (only minimal) pressure to email her back with a request of my own.

Hi Melbourne,  thanks for your email.  I clicked through to your site, I like your aesthetic and information on blinds.  Normally I don't take unsolicitated requests for blog posts to be written, particularly for non-UK companies and without any incentive or relevancy to my readers, but maybe we can work something out.  In exchange for me spending time writing a promotional post for you, I was thinking you could add some of my product images to the gallery on your great site?   You could add a picture of:

• Clothes
• Fabric
• Patterns

Or you could pick a picture from my blog; there's quite a few of me for example.  And all I'd need was a link back to my shop (http://www.kitschycoo.bigcartel.com/).  Like you, I can't offer any promotional incentive for featuring my business but if this is how PR works then sign me up.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Amanda 

I haven't heard back yet but will keep you updated.

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The postman always rings thrice. And once again for good measure.

We're taking a well-earned breather from Dolmania for the next couple of days, but don't fret- there's all sorts going on.  And by 'all sorts' I mean stuff that is predominately self-absorbed.

First off, I won this luscious teal leather journal in a giveaway from Crafty Ady.  Did you know that this is my favourite colour?  And that I have a penchant for celtic knots?  Just check out the tattoo on my back.*

Just look at that lovely card inside the cover.  The giveaway was in celebration for the Diamond Julibee....  Anti-Monarchists: do you seriously want to deny people gorgeous Jubilee journals? I think we'll be changing a few minds today.

I love it. I will never deface it by writing it in.  Please join me in a chorus to Crafty Ady of 'You must start selling these'.

Let's see, what's next... Maia's passport finally arrived, which is most fortuitous as I was starting to stress about it.  I think they will stamp a 'LOL' in her passport instead of a visa.  To be fair to the poor small girl, British passport photo rules are soooo tyrannical that this truly is an outstanding photo.  We practised 'serious faces' for ages.

Let me introduce you to The Best T-shirt in the World (In Theory).  98% of you won't know what it is referencing but 2% will be like OMGOMGOMGOMGIWANT IT.  I say it's the best t-shirt in theory because it is made of terrible tissue jersey with no stretch; I am not modelling it because it looks hideous on.  Know what? Don't care, still awesome.

And finally, here is the belt buckle I have procured for the Wonder Woman bathing suit.  After much staring at my stomach I am rapidly chickening out of making a two-piece.  Have I ever mentioned that I put on more than 5 stone (70 pounds / 30 kilos) when I was pregnant with Jamie?  Not conducive to two pieces.

*On second thought, don't. It bears no resemblence to a celtic knot any longer and looks more like a coaster for a cup of tea.

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The Alternative Christmas Gift Guide

It's that time of the year when the air is filled with the dulcet tones of my progeny chanting 'I want that, I want that, I want that' at every commercial and catalogue they see. Lengthy and precise letters to Santa have been written, and every adult within a ten mile radius (whether we know them or not) has been instructed what to buy.

Gifts for the girl
Steven and I have been arguing about to what extent to give into Maia's wish fulfilment. Never has a more gender-stereotyped child walked this Earth. The feminist in me objects to at least 80% of her list; she does not need anything in her life that solidifies her notion that girls are vapid and superficial.

The girl wants a Barbie head, ergo I will get her this one. I win.


The girl wants a My Little Pony, ergo I will get this one. Two- nil.


Gifts for the boy
Not as contentious as his sister's. Batman-centric.

I've mentioned before about Jamie's deep-seated fear of bears. Will a poster of Batman Bear change his mind?


Nah, probably not. This ursaphobia is seriously disruptive to our lives: the hall light needs to be on overnight with their bedroom door open, he requires a chaperone in every room in our own flipping house for fear of The Bear. Bat-Bear is cool, no doubt. But this level of fear calls for some aversion therapy:


Worried about finding youself inside a bear's stomach? No need. So plush and cosy.

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The Installation Artist

Maia has redecorated her bed. It is terrifying.

Modern Art / League of Gentleman / Eighth Wonder of the World/ Texas Chainsaw Massacre fusion.

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I'm with the band

Arcade Fire- Edinburgh Castle

It's just as well that there weren't heaps of comments urging me to immediately put The Green-Eyed Monster top into mass production in a single-handed sweat shop operation. I'm going to be too busy now that I'm joining a band. Specifically, this band:

Virgin Media was so worried about this development that they took away my internet for three days so I couldn't tell anyone or arrange the logistics.

From my detailed observations, the main prerequisite to joining the band is enthusiasm and I can work on that. Take a look at the drummer in the back with his hair in the air. That doesn't look too tricky.

The girls wear prom dresses. I can do that; I will pack my epilator.

The only potential barrier is lack of musical talent... this totally bad-ass (semi) front woman played the drums, keyboard, accordian, tambourine and sang in key. That's a lot of work, I will take over the tambourine.



NB. Not my video, I was too busy dancing.

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One, Two, Three o'clock, Four o'clock... Crock

Once upon a time I used Pinterest merely to torment myself with the awesome things that people were making / owning / wearing / baking. Oh, and bookmark things that were inspiring and that I could maybe do one day. But mostly to organise my inadequacies into handy folders. Like...

If Only My Oven Worked

Let's face it, though, even if my oven did work I am probably more like to have this experience (also found on Pinterest and which made me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh):


But then the Fairy Hobmother from Appliances Online read about my fecked-oven-ness over on Housewife Confidential (where I made a wish about having a working oven) and he made a wish of his own: for me to stop blaming the oven, the world and God for my cooking. So he bought me a slow-cooker. And so a new folder begins...

Crock of non-sh*t

Look closely and you will see...


Slow cookers can (allegedly) be used for baking! No excuses now, although I'm sure I'll do my level best.

The best thing for those of the altruist persuasion? The Fairy Hobmother just might visit a commenter on this post to make you stop whining too. Just leave your wish below.*

*I would imagine that wish fulfillment would apply only to people living in the UK. Not that I think he is personally racist (he's totally not), but logistically that makes sense. Wishes do not need to be of the appliance variety.

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I asked and the medical community answered: You're fecked.

Remember the time that I worried that I had a small head and Google said I did and that I'd probably die because of it? Well, I never took my small-headness to the doctor. More fool me. Now, nearly eighteen months later and with my malady untreated, it's been confirmed:


Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you my new glasses. My glasses from the children's section. I don't know why I'm looking smug either.

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The Amazing Psychedelic Holiday Experience

This is what going on holiday looks like when you're five. Or thirty one, pulling an all-nighter because you had twenty eight things on your To Do list and we're off to the airport at 3:30AM anyway. I am so efficient, people, you have never seen anything like it. Everyone else is getting up in half and hour, and here I am doing stuff. Amazing.

For those of you who follow the blog for the express purpose of finding out when we're away so you can burgle us, do not even bother. Reasons why:

1. Queen of the over-packers. There is nothing left to steal, not even my new epilator.
2. We live in a flat, in a building full of geriatrics. They are always around, they never sleep and they're nosy as hell. Before you even get the first load of random, worthless detritus out of our house, there will be a passive aggressive note about you co-signed by the chairman of our building.
3. Google Analytics: You think you're so clever but searching 'when can I burgle Kitschy Coo' shows up in my analytics and now I have your IP address so you're basically already in big trouble.
   
4. Two words: Friend Sarah. Not only is she a policeman with keys to our house and instructions to hang out here, our house is within her actual beat. She is so bad-ass that she already knows about your nefarious plans and has instigated a covert sting operation to catch you as soon as you are within 100m of our property.

Catch you on the other side...

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Bad feminist, no biscuit for you

Today I've been working my cotton socks off on a tutorial that will make at least three of you happy. More on that tomorrow. Can you guess what it might be? If you guess right I will actually follow through and publish it. If you guess wrong, I'll pretend this little post never happened.

As a place-holder, thank you for the hair commiserations on yesterday's post. To continue the theme of my burgeoning vanity and self-modification... if I was to make my brand spanking Epilator a cozy should it say Team God or Team Satan? I think Team Satan; a black cozy would hide the blood stains better.

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If I was at school I'd get a A+ for effort and a C- for execution

Oh, joyous pumpkin carving time. When kids squick out about pumpkin guts, go to soft play with their Dad and leave me in blessed peace to get my geek on. Everyone chose a design relevant to their interests...

Jamie's classic pumpkin face

Maia's more genteel cat

My Eric from True Blood. Obviously. Maybe. Bad photo.

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Animal bum leggings

I'm not normally in the habit of sharing kids clothes that I didn't sew with mine own fair hands, but I'm making an exception on the grounds of adorable-ness. To jump on the theme of the blogging world this week, if you complain about this publicly or even insinuate that I'm less than awesome, I WILL SUE YOU. Speaking of awesome, how about these ones?


I first saw the tip off about these tights/ leggings on Bambino Goodies and I rushed right over to their Ebay shop to peruse the full selection:


It was hard to pick just three but without Maia involved in the decision making I could at least avoid the inevitable pink, pink and pink. Panda ones are my favourite.

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Have I gestated a latent comedy genius?

Jamie and Maia are really missing each other now that he's at school all the time. When he stands in line with his class in the morning, Maia and I stand on the grass at the side and she repeatedly runs over for one last kiss and cuddle from her brother. And at pick up time it's like the slow-motion-running-across-the-field-to-embrace cinema experience. She's obviously on his mind too, because look what he drew for her at school:

Maia in the sky with diamonds

We could talk about how adorable this is that they're so devoted to each other. Or we could go off topic and discuss Flowers in the Attic. But instead, let's revel in the artistic representation of Maia.... Anyone else seeing this?

For those of you who live in a closet under the stairs, that's Hyperbole and a Half, perhaps the funniest blog in the whole world. If you're not au fait, go and follow now. This is my absolute favourite post.

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Well, this is embarassing...

God Bless Steven. He always buys me books that he thinks will be relevant to my interests. Like when I was pregnant with Jamie, for my birthday he bought me loads of books that involved babies. And then those babies died, and were kidnapped, and broke up their parents' marriages, and grew up to be serial killers. The interests: correct. The details: incorrect.

Amanda likes the internet and oversharing! This is the book for her!

Umm, Steven... I don't want to die because someone on the internet discovers my deepest fears and uses them against me. (Lazy Prospective Killers, click here.) And I certainly DO NOT WANT TO DIE FROM SECONDARY EMBARRASSMENT.


It is very hard to read a book through your fingers.


The author, Jeffery Deaver:


Thank you for making me feel young.

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Lazing on a Sunday afternoon

When you live in Edinburgh, you either love or hate August. As hosts of the largest cultural festival in the world, half a million visitors converge on Edinburgh to enjoy the thousands of shows, plays, concerts and book-related events. Me? I love it*. For eleven and three quarters months of the year, I have little to show for a social life. But... with a birthday that's always in the last week of the Festival, not only do I have an excuse to go out, I also have things to go to!

Here are clips of some of the comics I've seen this week**. Don't click if you're at work, have lucid children in your vicinity, or if you are my parents.



Carl Barron- He's a very big name in Australia and we saw him last night in a tiny little hall. He was very funny.



David Kay- My favourite comic of all time, I've seen him four times in the last ten years. No one else knows about him except Friend Sarah and my much-missed friend Michelle in Australia.



Daniel Slosser- I'd never heard of him but found out he's been on a pilot show for ITV this week. Adorable. Also, this clip was filmed at The Stand which is where we saw him on Tuesday!

Comment suggestions: your favourite comics / tales of visiting Edinburgh during krayzee August / congrats for getting a life

*Except if I'm using public transport. Or desirous of a seat in a restaurant or pub. Or attempting to buy any thing from any shop. Or trying to walk down the street in a non-irritated state. Then I hate it.

** Not clips from the actual shows because piracy is a crime. Just other clips, from other people, of other shows.

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The post where I demonstrate my ability to segue

Good afternoon, folks. Thanks for all your birthday wishes yesterday! I had a very nice day with a trip to the cinema, a lunch outside the confines of my house and a caterpillar cake that I didn't carry around in a backpack:


So... birthdays. With my (justified) reputation as a bookworm, I am always gifted books for any and all special occasions. Look at yesterday's haul! Has anyone read any of these beauties?


And speaking of delectable reading materials, look what Pickled Weasel sent me! Admittedly, it wasn't for my birthday as such. But do you really need a special occasion for True Blood and Alexander Skarsgard? No, you don't. Steven has been rolling his eyes at me for about six days straight because I am not getting more mature with age, I'm regressing into a silly, mooning teenage girl. What - ever, Steven.


So... let's jump right back to the subject of my birthday. My lovely in-laws gave me money to buy a much-needed new coat. What's that, a coat? Oh yes, speaking of coats, I'm participating in the Lady Grey sew-along on Gertie's New Blog for Better Sewing.

Click here for more info

Anyone else playing along? I can't decide what fabric to use but I'm leaning towards a raincoat fabric. Can you believe that I don't have a waterproof jacket? And I live in Scotland? The sheer madness of it.


While we're on the subject of sew-alongs: Cool Girls, I have not abandoned you. Starting Monday I'll be doing the weekly update on the process, starting with the dreaded body measurements. Get your tape measures and tissues out!

And finally, while we're on the subject of meta-sewing, anybody seen this and been tempted?


Shabby Apple are having a Design a Dress competition! For more info and the rules, click here. But you can't do it, because I might. I call first dibs on winning.

As always, I eagerly await any comments. To help you navigate the meanderings, a summary for me and you:

1. Caterpillar cake: comments probably unnecessary
   
2. New books: please share enthusiasm
3. Viking Vampires: exchange tales of being silly in this respect (or any other)
   
4. Sew-along Lady Grey: tell me what fabric to use
5. Cool Girls' sew-along: forgive tendency to procrastinate / confirm tape measures
6. Shabby Apple design comp: pat my back / stroke my hair
   

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New Kicks

These are Maia's new kicks. They're what I would consider 'acceptable pink', rather than bubblegum / candyfloss pink as she is wont. I bought them when she wasn't looking.


These are my new kicks. Not only are they the height of fashion and in no way the semblance of moonboots, but they have magical powers which will make me skinny. Every thing I do while wearing them is technically exercise. Ergo, I wore them to the pub with Friend Sarah on Friday. We were exercising.

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