I've been thinking a lot about tank tops recently. Lots of reasons why, really. We're imminently off on another American adventure where summery clothes are not surplus to requirements. And I've been thinking about summer patterns. A tank top / boy cut briefs combo would make an ace bathing suit, no?
I double heart a racer back. Probably because they are Off Limits to me due the profusion of bra straps required to make me humanity-friendly.
I do not double heart sewing binding onto knits. But I sewed this in a much easier way: folded over and stitched to the wrong side of the tank and then flipped over to the right side and topstitched down. It gives a lovely, neat finish:
Yes, summer holidays with bonus sun included, and bathing suits, blah blah blah. But the real reason I have been thinking about tank tops more than usual?
You: 'Amanda, I cannot see that picture well enough'. Me: 'Brace yourself.'
True Blood is back so very soon. And we all know how I feel about that. So, yeah, tank tops are on the brain.
I've grown up a lot in the two weeks I've been in my thirties. I realise now that it was silly for me to look for age-inappropriate crushes. Let face it, they were boys. Boys who wanted to shag their mums, or commit crimes against hairdressing, or geeky boys that are too cool to acknowledge crushes even after being harassed by Vonnie. And I don't need boys in my life. Neither do I need men. What I need is hot vampires. I dare you to look at these pictures and not agree with me.
For those of you unfamiliar with True Blood, this is Eric. I was doing a lot of *ahem* research last night for this post and I'm not the only one who's obsessed. Here's my favourite geeky graphic from the awesomely named 'F*ck Yeah Eric Northman' fan site: It's one of life's great injustices that I have never been in a vampire love triangle. But a girl can dream, right? So with the final episode of series two looming this weekend in the US, here's how I think it should go:
Wow, check out that girl over there.
(Looking coy)
I can't stop thinking about that girl.
Listen, Eric, have you told Sookie yet?
I've met someone else.
I need some advice, how am I going to find out who she is?
Don't worry, I'll Google her.
Look, here's her blog.
Hey, she's really funny.
But what's this she posted last Sunday?!
It was her *sob* wedding anniversary?! She's married! Nooooooo!
Here I am, one month before my thirtieth birthday, and do I feel my age? Nope, I feel fifteen. Everyone remember being fifteen? The drama, the crushes, the racing heart, the giggling? Well, yesterday I took a trip don't memory lane courtesy of Blottedcopybook. After reading about my latest celebrity crush, she did the modern equivalent of passing him a note in class. She twittered him. And then she emailed him. Saying "My mate likes you." And then we spent the rest of the day giggling, with me blushing bright red every time I think about it. I'll never sleep again, lest he actually twitters me back. Or sends an injunction.
So I'm not actually here right now, I'm at Treefest. And with the heavens chucking it down, I'm probably cowering inside my tent, alone and destitute. I might even be reading the paper. Which will at least be more pleasant than reading the paper at home:
I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds recently, mainly because it's on from midnight to 2AM. I know, I know... I'd be more productive if I didn't have the TV on, but it keeps me awake and a girl's got to have a little bit of a treat for her diligence.
As you know, I'm been on the look out for an age-inappropriate crush after Shia LaBeouf was disqualified for incestuous intentions and Josh Peck for egregious hair. To be honest, I've not been giving it too much attention with all this sewing I've been doing. So, oblivious to my quest, sewing away in the early hours, demented with fatigue, Criminal Minds on in the background .... (To save me embarrassment can anyone related to me by blood or marriage please skip forward to the next paragraph) The. Hottest. Kiss.
Yikes. I wasn't prepared for that. And I totally haven't watched that a bunch of times since.
If you're wondering so you can do your own research, his name is Matthew Gray Gubler. Technically this isn't an age-inappropriate crush, he's only a year younger than me but he was born in a different decade than me so I'm willing to bend the rules. This is what he thinks of me:
And just look, he likes doing this:
Yep, he splices pictures together. Just. Like. Me. He's posted that on his MySpace page, to show me how compatible we are.
You can learn a lot from Criminal Minds. Like last night, they were discussing how they needed to analyse the un-sub's Love Map. Well, here's mine:
You might remember that I'm currently on the look out for a replacement for Shia LaBeouf as my inappropriate toy boy crush. Basic requirement: doesn't declare his incestuous love for his mum in Playboy. So last night Steven popped in a DVD called The Wackness and... Could it be, is Josh Peck who I've been looking for?
I needed to do some more research to make sure he has a less developed Oedipus Complex than Mr LaBeouf. His trivia fact on IMDB is, 'He and his mother shared small one-bedroom apartments in New York City.' Uh-oh, that's not promising. But what else did I find out?
He lost more than 100 pounds from his child actor days.
He takes a nice picture. This is my favourite. Look at all that negative space! Wonder what I can do with that?
I know the the brief said to look brooding, but I was just so happy. Hope he wasn't too freaked out that I wore my wedding dress.
He really likes waistcoats. But wait... look closer at this collage... Is that... some really bad hair?
Oh dear... This isn't looking good...
Isn't this the hairstyle favoured by female newsreaders? Or am I just too picky?
'Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds.'
Yes, that's both bad and wrong, not to mention creepy. But I was (almost) prepared to turn a blind eye, as it's a perfect quote for inserting 'Jamie and Maia's mum' for 'my mother':
'Probably the sexiest woman I know is Jamie and Maia's mum. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my Jamie and Maia's mum and marry her, I would. I would be with Jamie and Maia's mum now, if she weren't Jamie and Maia's mum, as sick as that sounds.'
Doesn't that sound much better? Anyway... a couple of days after declaring incestuous love for his mother, this picture was published: It's him, and his mother, and she just wiped his nose, in public. I'm so over him.
But now the situation is vacant, so can anyone recommend an age-inappropriate crush to fill the void?
It's one of life's great injustices that I have never been in a vampire love triangle. But a girl can dream, right? So with the final episode of series two looming this weekend in the US, here's how I think it should go:
Wow, check out that girl over there.
(Looking coy)
I can't stop thinking about that girl.
Listen, Eric, have you told Sookie yet?
I've met someone else.
I need some advice, how am I going to find out who she is?
Don't worry, I'll Google her.
Look, here's her blog.
Hey, she's really funny.
But what's this she posted last Sunday?!
It was her *sob* wedding anniversary?! She's married! Nooooooo!
Oh dear... This isn't looking good...
Isn't this the hairstyle favoured by female newsreaders? Or am I just too picky?
